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I started divorce proceedings back in October after living with a narcissist for 12 years. I am an easy going person pleaser, I strive for harmony, happiness and a quiet life. This was taken advantage of and had been pointed out to me several times !!! It is just me and my soon to be ex wife that live in my (sole owner) property. Yes, she has matrimonial rights and recently a 'Home rights order' in place. No children involved. The reason it's in my name is that she had a property in her name for 11 years (purchased by her father under the right to buy scheme from a housing association. This changed names to her father after the notice of divorce was served to her.
Obviously the notice of divorce didn't go down too well. She tried to hit me, I defended myself by putting up my left arm. This stopped her but apparently caused a bruise (which wasn't recorded)
Rewind a couple of years to 2022 when we had spent a couple of months in Spain. She had a small inner lip ulcer that she took a photo of (her daughter and herself are always sharing pics of spots, lumps, bumps etc)
Forward to January 25th 2025.
Police come to arrest me on assault charges. I spend a night in the cell from the 'ulcer' and no proof of bruised wrist that I defended from. Released with No Further Action.
My property is 1 bedroom and I built a guest room (big enough for single mattress and storage) which I used from October to January 26th (day after release from custody). She had removed all of my belongings from the bedroom (I used it for clothes storage).
Me not being happy about my things being removed and spending a night in the cell, replaced all of my things and removed all of hers and put a padlock on the door to protect my belongings in my home. I also discovered that she has handed out a house key to a member of her family.
She kicked up about it and pressed a (newly purchased) panic alarm which alerts friends and police. (Clever thinking to get one!!)
I felt threatened with all turning up so I dialled the emergency response. Blue lights turned up.
Result was that she was advised to stay away. Which she did.... Her solicitor wrote to say that she was finding alternative arrangements and that her stuff would be removed.
Not likely!!!! She was back the next morning rearranging her things to sleep in the guest room. She is still there.
Forward to present day. I am to be served court papers which I assume would be to do with the removal of the padlock that prevents her from entering my bedroom, using the 'Home rights order' to its fullest.
This woman is relentless in her attacks and abuse toward me and now I am asking for any tips so that I can.....
1- Regain my mental health and normal disposition.
2- Regain my home.
3- Get this narcissist out of my life.
I live in the north west UK and been here for just over 2 years. My family are on the south east coast. Hers live within a 4 minute drive.
I have no where to go, except the gym. No real mates to visit and talk to as that wasn't the done thing to do while married to her.
Apologies for the long read 🙏
Any advice, tips would be very very welcome.
hi, if she is filing court papers, then will likely include an occupation order, where judge will decide who stays in property and who has to leave. court seems like only option to resolve this dispute. with mental health I suggest gym, regular exercises.
@dadmod2 I am sole owner of the property. If she gets an occupation order, that leaves me in an awkward position with no where to go. Her family live locally. Mine are a 6-7 hr drive away. I work literally around the corner from my house.
How could the order possibly go in her favour!!!??
All I want to do is sell up, settle finances and move on. Get her out of my life once and for all.
There is a guide to divorce on the advicenow.org.uk website. You'll need a financial order as part of the divorce and it won't look good that she's transferred ownership of her property. You could deal with this through mediation instead of a solicitor and court. Prepare a position statement for court regarding an occupation order. You state that you have no alternative accommodation and need to be near your work place whereas she has family nearby. Specify if they have space for her.
@dadmod3 Many thanks for all this.
She has her father close by who has a 2 bed property (1 room empty) and daughter just round the corner in a 3 bed. Daughter has 2 kids but let her brother sleep there for 6 months before he went overseas. Mediation wouldn't work as she is very bitter woman and wants everything.
The property that was in her name and then transferred to her father was purchased by her father. He rents it out and collects all monies. How would the court view this ownership do you think?
Seems she has capital from the sale and could buy herself a property?
@dadmod3 I didn't explain very well. Her father bought the property she was renting from a housing association under the right to buy scheme just after we married. It had to remain in her name for the scheme to apply. She could have sold after 5yrs with no penalty. If before 10yrs they wanted to sell it has to be offered back to the association for market value. After 10 yrs it can be sold to anyone. It was after 11 and a half years that it was transferred (not sold) in to her father's name.
Initially my solicitor said it was 'Asset stripping' but another solicitor has said that the court probably won't include that property in the settlement !!!
She hasn't collected any rental from it as the money came from her dad to buy it. The property is still being rented out and now (in name) owned solely by her dad.
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