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Hello, this past month I had to assess my finances after moving into a flat to be closer to my children, as I see the children more I decided to recalculate the child maintenance, this was the last thing I wanted to do but I had no other choice.
Soon my ex started to say that she misses the children on the weekends and wants them more, I said I was happy for the current arrangement to continue as I love spending time with my kids, I don't know anything as their mother does not tell me anything in regards to their wellbeing and school. The last couple of weeks I had told my ex that I think she should be spending more 1-1 time with my daughter as she has prioritised going out with friends who have children of a similar age to our youngest son and said she would be bored. I said this was fine but my daughter to me seems overlooked, not neglected but overlooked.
The past weekend my daughter I picked my daughter up and she was dressed really scruffy and was wearing a t-shirt a few sizes too small. I'm jumping all over the place but the Thursday before that weekend she had expressed to me when I was taking her out to her after-school activity that "she couldn't do it, she's not good enough". Then all weekend she has cried and was upset as she told me she misses me all the time. This isn't like my daughter, when I had split from her mother she was pretty happy but now her mother has a new partner and I think that my daughter has been keeping it a secret from me to save my feelings and I am upset at the burden put on my daughter by her mother to keep a secret like that. I asked for honesty from my ex if she were to move on but she has lied and been deceptive which has made it worse as I had found out she had been going to this guys house overnight with our youngest and I expressed to her that I would not be happy if I was to find out they were sharing a bed with my son in it.
Anyway the past week I again raised concerns about my daughter's welfare and struggles in school and got no reply so I decided to call and was told that she is cutting my visits to the children and that I like it or lump it. She tried to tell me I have not been consistent in my visitation/overnights with the children but I have WhatsApp, diary entries etc which show otherwise. I have always been consistent and cancelled any plans on weekends to spend time with my kids, when I haven't been able to, due to work or whatever I have given her plenty of notice as in weeks in advance notice but she has viewed this as being " inconsistent". I feel as if she is distorting the facts to suit her narrative. I have concerns for both my children since we have split but her response is to cut my time with the children.
What should I do? We had an informal agreement and it's been that way ever since we split but it just feels because of the maintenance and me raising concerns I should be cut out. I have always paid maintenance without fail.
I don't have a leg to stand on with an informal agreement though do I? Regardless of proof it has always been this way since we split.
I asked for mediation in the beginning of the split but it was refused as her mother told she don't need it. We didn't then but we sure do now.
Do I pursue it legally or request mediation again?
Hi,
if your informal child arrangement has stopped working now, then you do have option to take legal route to get a formal child arrangement order. you would need to sit a mediation appointment. if your ex is refusing mediation, then you can sit an appointment by yourself. it's called MIAM. you can search for Family Mediation council and similar sites. seems like they all putting their prices up.
@bill337 I had just requested mediation. I am unsure that I can afford the legal costs - £139 per hour whilst my ex is entitled to all the legal aid going.
What can I do about my children's schooling and doctors' appointments? I have requested contact details for my children's care coordinator but I she isn't giving them to me and I only know what is happening after the fact. Do I no longer have a duty of care or parental rights now that we are soon to be divorced?
Thank you for your reply Bill
@zdenekzeman hi, government offers free mediation vouchers, but these only kick in if your ex agrees to attend mediation. if ex refuses mediation then mediator can give you permission to apply to court. the issues with childrens schooling and doctors appointments, you can have all these formalised in a child arrangement court order. i came across this one that charges £95 https://eafamilymediationservice.co.uk/miam/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvKf_55vJ-gIVoujtCh0mpwQJEAAYAyAAEgLayfD_BwE
- @bill337 thank you, pal, I can't respond to private messages as I have not been a member long enough.
regrettably, I had a run-in with my ex-mother-in-law about today's argument with my ex-wife as she was present in the background when I rang. I told her my feelings about the situation. She, in a roundabout way told me that her daughter would bring up "domestic violence/abuse" from our relationship. There was no violence though there were verbal and a couple of scuffles. The last few years of the relationship were dreadful and it's no excuse I had a number of mental health issues which didn't help matters but in the time we have been split I have made an active attempt to improve myself mentally and attend weekly counselling sessions. I have gotten to the point where I no longer take medication.
Though today's display wasn't me at my best and probably ammunition for my ex, I just feel helpless in the matter as I don't have my kids and she is in a position of power. I feel now I just accept what she has told me so I see my children.
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