Video Contact

Hi

I'm a huge advocate of video calls. I spend lots of time with my kids on video calls.

What app do you use for the calls? Is there anything you could be saying that the kids could interpret at pressure or negative? 9 year old can pick up on things. Not saying you are but just want to exclude..

Do you do any online gaming such as Roblox?

Do you see the kids in addition to video calls?

Do they have access to tablet/laptop outside of times they speak to you?

When on the calls what do you talk about and what do you do?

How many children do you have, ages, and is it just the 1 hour for all or each?

Hi, sounds quite tough all round.

As hard as it might sound, an hour on a video call is probably an eternity to a child. As an adult, even having a zoom call with friends for a hour every other month has felt like a bit of a chore for some time now, and I sometimes find myself digging up an excuse to leave early.

It sounds like your children are quite young (you mention a 9 year old). My experience of kids is they would much rather interact with their parents in person. My 10 year old son has pretty much said this to me. We have phone contact on the weekends he's with his mother. Because they happen at a set time, he often feels they're imposed - something he 'has to do', particularly when this sometimes means he has to stop or interrupt an activity to do this (hence I keep the calls fairly short - they last about 4 minutes on average). He's always found it easier to chat when we're playing or doing some activity together. Hopefully your Final Hearing is not too distant and you'll find that this has been the case with your kids.

I don't know how reasonable your ex is, but is it possible to suggest breaking the hour-long video call into maybe 4 15-minute calls (maybe even have one as just a phone call) over these fortnightly periods up to the Final Hearing? 'Short and many' / 'bite size', sounds like it will be less daunting for your kids, and maybe even for you (I think I would have to do a considerable amount of prep work to have enough to keep a child engaged and excited about regularly sitting in front of a camera for hour). It could also mean having a more 'current' conversation with your kids about things they've seen or done - my son is more able to chat about events that happened a day or three ago, anything else is ancient history. Maybe even have video calls with just one child at a time to give individual time (I don't know how many you have).
Just some thoughts.

Hello Superdad2019,
It must be very difficult sharing precious time with your children via video call. I would echo the advice of Toks and suggest you break up the time of the call perhaps 15 mins with each child and then have them show you something they’ve done in the week and then spend the last section chatting through what your weeks will look like, what you’re going to be doing etc. Would they be up for playing a game or reading together a favoured story? (Sorry I don’t know both ages of your children) . Anything that encourages conversations and relativity to your children’s current life. School will be on the agenda from next week for many kids, so that will be another factor to consider. Keep telling your kids you love them, you’re interested in what they are currently passionate about and reassure them that they are loved by you and their mum, even though you’re no longer together. I hope things improve for you - remember every day is a new one. Be encouraged.