[Solved] Video calls

hi,

i have 3 video calls a week. child is 6 and 4. they are using a tablet with a stand. its just them alone in the room. in court i complained that their uncle was sitting in the room and theres no privacy. so he's not allowed in the room. their mum does not want to see my shadow so she's not there at time of call.

My ex is being a massive pain about this. I was seeing my girls once a fortnight after the final order, this was supposed to have increased by now. All i was getting was a ten minute phone call every two weeks. I had to beg to have video calls, which i do get now (every two weeks) My ex does not let them hold the phone, but my eldest is being manipulated, and you should report it. On the phone calls, my eldest was whispering to my ex asking her "what do you want me say" or "what do i say now" when i ask her questions, she doesnt answer them as the ex tells her not to.
It is heartbreaking as i can see they want to talk to me, but they are being told not to. At the end of one call, my eldest shouted out "I will never forget you dad" and it broke me.

I have all the calls recorded to show this when ever the courts finally see me after submitting a C79 form about 10 weeks ago.

Video calls started and then got stopped by the other party. I still have audio calls.

The calls are very engaging, at times I have trouble stopping them after 1 hour because he (10 year old) obviously wants to keep talking, and as soon as I signal that he needs to go eat/play/sleep/shower whatever he'll rush to finding something to talk about.

However, all the calls start very stale - he's bored out of his mind. And so they all start slow, many :"i don't knows" and "hmmms" and "ahhs". I just take the burden and liven the discussion and after a few seconds/minutes he'll start the tape and won't stop talking.

In my mind I have a responsibility to liven his life a little bit -as much as I could in a call.

Some tips:

1) I talk about stuff that he finds interesting. Right now it is minecraft and fornite, so I went and watched some videos about these games. I just talk about stuff in the games, probe a question or two and then leave him to go on it. He'll go at length describing all the plays he does and the worlds he builds etc... I'm like ooh, ahh, that's great, just encouraging the discussion and throwing in the odd question.

I don't care, it I have to learn about enderdragons or the new secret cave in fortnite then I will be the biggest goddamned expert in the world about them.

2) Quizes. We do a quiz every other call. We alternate, so I am sometimes the quizmaster, and the next time he is the quizmaster. Being a quiz master is serious business you see, and so it's all realistic - we have a show, 20 questions every quiz, and we keep scores. There is entry music, suspense music and all that jazz. Limited number of Hints, multiple choice options, It's serious business.

He chooses the topic of his quiz - and it's typically things like minecraft, football, geography, etc.. just fun stuff. There are plenty of quizes online for kids that you can find.

I sent him a couple of quiz books filled with questions, and so he prepares 20 of the silliest questions he finds on them. Always goes for the eye rolling questions, like "what starts with 'e' and has only one letter?" ... "envelope". Has a good laugh of catching me out.

Just fun and games. The aim is to live in his world a little bit.

At the end I tell him how awesome he is, ask him to have fun an to take care of himself and his mother and end the call.

The ex has always been a pain through this. Sometimes she stops the calls, or tries to distract him. When it gets too much I just tell him I'm sorry I have to go and end the call. I just don't want any negativity around him, even at the expense of this precious little time. Slowly he and the ex learnt that her intervening and being a b!tch -> the calls end, and so he does his best to avoid her during the call. She still intervenes sometimes but heyho.

i just let kids boss me around. they ask to watch frozen 2, shaun the sheep lol. end up streaming stuff to them.

Thanks for sharing all!

Ferfer - that's terrible. We experience similar questioning. I don't think my partner's phone call lasts more than 5/10 minutes. Please do keep us updated on the view of the courts on the matter and more importantly I hope the video calls start becoming more positive and naturally flowing!

Flyingember - That's pretty cool to have such a long call and interactive. May look into this, I'm just not sure my step daughter is old enough yet! Also very good of you to stop the call when there's slight negativity, conflict etc.