Variation of order

If the Judge said he hopes you can both agree over nights should start earlier, then you can request this, perhaps towards the end of March. Make sure its in writing and you keep her reply in case you need it later as evidence. You can also ask for the two weeks in the summer and likewise keep a note of the conversation. I wouldn't think you have to attempt mediation as there is an order in place. The court is not going to be impressed if you have to keep going back to have the order enforced which is why you need to keep her replies. There are various co-parenting apps around which might be useful for you.

hi Ferfer,

so in your order does it specify overnights to start from may, as in every other weekend, or any specific days? It's a shame they did not mention 2 weeks in summer. if you enforce order, then you don't need mediation. but need mediation for variation of order.

If she breaches, you can apply for enforcement & don't have to attempt mediation.

If there's no obvious breach, you would have to attempt mediation for making an application to vary.

It says that overnights start on May 1st at the latest, this is for one Saturday every two weeks and drop them off Sunday 3pm. But the judge said he would like it if it can be arranged to start earlier if we agree (which I know she wont) The kids keeps saying they want to stay over and they want to see me more. The eldest says e tells her mum this, she always says "you will see him soon enough"

All it says in the order is that increased overnights should be agreed between both parties, I just know she will not agree to more over nights ever. She will make things up as usual or just refuse giving ridiculous reasons which she has done in the past, for example, not allowing unsupervised to start because one of the children got knocked over by another child in a soft play area 🙁

I just wanted to know if she keeps refusing increased contact, if i have to apply to the courts again to get more over nights confirmed and get a more suitable arrangement in place.

Yes, if she refuses increased contact as required by the court then you will have to go back to get it enforced. I would suggest that if you do need to, you ask for holidays, alternate Christmas, contact on your birthday and anything else that you'd like so you get it sorted in one go. Your evidence of request and her refusal will be needed at this stage

Hi,

Does the court order specify how many nights and by which date they should be increased?

For example my husbands order had overnight starting in February then said that Easter holidays he is to have 1 additional night contact and then the parents should increase the overnight stays (during school holidays) so the child stays with the father for 7 nights by the time the child is 5 years old. The child must have been about 2/3 years old when we got that order in place and the mother refused to increase the nights.

They specifically stated to gradually increase the overnight stays for the child to get used to staying with us for longer periods of time due to the child's age, however the mother just point blanked refused and after a year or so we applied for an enforcement (which also ended up as a variance).

I would not go back to court just yet, but it's still worth asking or suggesting how you propose to increase contact over time (always good to use email communication to be able to keep the trail with no manipulation by either party). Keep all communication in case it's needed and only apply for an enforcement if there's clear breach.

Good luck!

Hi, overnights have to start by May 1st for one night every other weekend. I would like it to start earlier (they should have started overnights in December but the ex used Covid as an excuse)

I do want to approach overnights slowly, I am happy with that although I know there wont be any issues from the kids, they will be fine. I just know the ex will refuse more overnights in the future, if i ask for increase in overnights say in July, I know she will say no and will continue to say no. I am just preparing myself for when this happens, knowing how long the court process takes, if i apply to vary the order in July, I probably will not get to court 3 or 4 months later just to get the increased contact.

hi Ferfer,

Yes I can understand your dilemma. When I was in court originally, I was dreading the thought of missing the summer months with the kids, so I kept pestering my barrister that overnights need to start asap, I do not want to miss out on summer with the kids. And I was arguing that 1 day visit or night is not enough. need more time.

If you do go back to court, ask for a much well defined order that gives you 2-3 nights every other weekend, mid-week contact if you want that. 1-2 weeks in summer and 1 weeks in easter, xmas breaks etc. should also cover holidays abroad as that will likely become a problem for you in future. I asked for 7 consecutive nights. have to be careful with wording as ex's are likely to play around if there's any grey areas.

Thanks Bill, I don't want to have to take it to court, I just want her to agree to things and be fair and think of the kids for a change. Hopefully she proves me wrong and agrees to increased over nights, but if i have to go to court then so be it.

If the order says 1 May and they haven't started by then, you can apply to enforce the order and not have to attend a MIAM. Before that time a court is unlikely to want to deal with it.