Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I am at boiling point with my ex now. It is getting beyond a joke. i had my first mid week overnight with my two girls last night, all went well as always. My youngest had autism, and my ex arranged that she gets to school via a mini bus put on by the council. My ex did not organise the pick up as she was supposed to and apparently this was all of my fault. I managed to sort it out but I had no problem taking her in myself. I politely replied to her message that she was supposed to contact them, as the resident parent who organised it, only she could do this (bug mistake proving my ex is in the wrong) she then sent me a message which was just a barrage of abuse and how she does everything herself for the children (keeping in mind this has been ongoing since 2019 and I have only moved to two nights a weekend in October last year)
Again i replied politely explaining she kept the youngest autism from me for months, I only see them every other weekend, so how to do you expect me to take them for appointments I am unaware of? I explained if she wants help she only has to ask me, and I am more than happy to do so. She started going on about taking it back to court and "do i really want a stranger to decide what is best for her children" apparently they are not guinea pigs??
I have had to bite my lip on this, and just let her rant to me. I will show the courts how she is being when we get back there, but how on earth does she want me to be involved in all of this when she hardly lets me see them? It makes no sense at all and it is frustrating me. Sorry for the rant, but it is getting beyond a joke now.
Hi,
sounds very frustrating. when kids stay with you, is it possible for you to arrange the transport to schools? If kids have appointments they have to attend that fall under the time you care for them, then she should be sensible and organised enough to inform you about it. if your not aware, its not your fault. I would suggest you document and keep a record of incidents like this. if you end up in court, you can use this information to defend yourself. would it be easier if you just take both kids to school by car?
when she is ranting and annoying you, I suggest to keep communication with her to absolute minimum. some ex-partners like to provoke or try to get a horrible reaction out of. there are some techniques that are useful for dealing with this kind of behaviour.
One is called the grey rock method: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock
have a listen to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbAuGXaS0bQ
@bill337 I have no problem taking them to school myself, they do go to different schools and they are close by so it is no problem at all. She just wants the youngest to stick to her routine, which I understand, but it would have only been for one day. I have taken them to appointments doctors/opticians on the days I do have them.
It was just such an aggressive message trying to put me down, but I cannot help if she is not asking me or informing me. I never raise to her bait, I just reply nicely and ignore any negativity.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.