[Solved] Trouble resuming normal contact

MotherofaFather, sorry to hear your son is going through the same thing. I believe we have had many conversations on this forum regarding the similarities of mine and your son's situation.

I have now heard back from the solicitor and they have given me the same advice that has been given here: phased contact isn't what is stated in the court order and is therefore not acceptable, and to get in touch if my ex doesn't let me see my daughter this week.

I am planning on doing the same thing as your son. I will be at our public handover location on Thursday and if my ex doesn't show up, I will file for an enforcement order.

mumofboys, sorry to hear about what you and your partner, and children (!), are going through. I was quite concerned to read how long the process seems to be taking for you. In a lot of ways, it doesn't come as a shock, as so often the courts aren't in a hurry when it comes to us separated parents, but you would think that this is happening for so many of us right now, the court would be putting cases through the court system a bit quicker, as it should be a case of 'mum isn't letting dad see his children > that's unacceptable > allow dad to see his children again', and then onto the next case - it's not like it's complex, not really...

[quote="semifinalist87"

mumofboys, sorry to hear about what you and your partner, and children (!), are going through. I was quite concerned to read how long the process seems to be taking for you. In a lot of ways, it doesn't come as a shock, as so often the courts aren't in a hurry when it comes to us separated parents, but you would think that this is happening for so many of us right now, the court would be putting cases through the court system a bit quicker, as it should be a case of 'mum isn't letting dad see his children > that's unacceptable > allow dad to see his children again', and then onto the next case - it's not like it's complex, not really...

Apologies semifinalist87, it's your daughter not son.
I was half a sleep whilst reading and replying.
Well good luck for Thursday, let us know how you get on. If you don't get normal contact, please don't waste another day applying with your c79.
This week my partner will be sending a screenshot of the warning in their order to hopefully jog her memory that there is an order in place and the consequences if its not complied with.
We don't hold any hope she'll care.

Hello semifinalist87

Yes, your situation and my Son's seem to be be running parallel with one another. There is no let up with this type of mother. She has refused to resume contact as per Court Order today.

Many years ago I was asked if I was interested in becoming a magistrate to which I replied no, I could not sit in judgement of another human being. I could now though on the family bench. In fact I made enquiries about two years ago but it would appear I am too old now, what a pity. My reason for my enquiry to be a magistrate was to get on the "front line" and try to get some justice for the fathers when faced with mothers who have narcissistic traits (awful people).

I'm feeling fraught this evening which is unusual for me to give vent in public. Haven't seen the grandchildren for four months. I've even got a rat in the garden eating the bird food. At least it's happy if no one else is. Paid the road tax on the car today, bread and jam for the rest of the week now. Needed a dentist for the last three months, they don't seem to be working still. I have my "pipper" each day, for the last two years they have gone by my house and pip their hooter each time. I haven't a clue who they are, very frustrating. I can all but fantasize that I have an admirer too shy to declare himself. Oh, the thought!

Oh well as Scarlett O'Hara said "tomorrow is another day" and I shall hope it is an improvement on today. and that it is for all of you.

yes it sucks. i have a court order and it legitimized the mother keeping the kids away due to the lockdown. my order says direct contact has been suspended, video calls in place. normal contact to resume once the children are permitted to return to school, or the lockdown is lifted. whichever happens first.

so looks like i will be waiting till september to see kids, unless lockdown is lifted before then. i think alot of parents will be disappointed with their enforcement applications. courts are too soft and risk-averse.

Morning Bill,

I didn't realize your direct contact had been suspended by the court, that must be extremely hard for you to have to tolerate.

My Son has had direct contact for a short period each week during lock down and has now voiced to the Mother that it is an appropriate time to resume weekend stays. She has refused, where is the logic in that? This type of mother is totally oblivious to the detrimental effect on children of being denied contact with their father. I am lost for words.

There is no logic, if you are going to let the child near the father then where is the difference with letting the child sleep over as per the order!?
My partners ex pulled the 'Boris said no sleeping over at other people's houses' card, but ignores the screenshot of Michael Gove saying children can move homes to see both parents. Its like talking to such stupid people, but infact I think they think they are being very clever using covid as an opportunity to grasp control again.
I'm shocked at Bill's court order being changed to that, it's only given the mother the power to do as she pleases again and again.
I pray to God we don't get a similar response from court.
There is no reason that the children cannot be safe with Daddy too during a pandemic and keep normal routine.

Morning Bill,

I didn't realize your direct contact had been suspended by the court, that must be extremely hard for you to have to tolerate.

My Son has had direct contact for a short period each week during lock down and has now voiced to the Mother that it is an appropriate time to resume weekend stays. She has refused, where is the logic in that? This type of mother is totally oblivious to the detrimental effect on children of being denied contact with their father. I am lost for words.

mother chose to stop contact over covid, during court hearings. court was ok with that and just told her to allow more video calls. so i have to go months without seeing kids, because she is worried about her vulnerable mum that she lives with. there is no logic. as all her brothers come and go from their place. doesnt that put their mum at risk? lol

Hi semifinalist

As has been said, I would suggest you giving a cut off date for contact to be reinstated and indicate your intention to apply to have the order enforced. The covid guidance doesn't give carte blanche to parents to amend orders as they see fit and contact should be restored forthwith.

Best of luck

Bill, that really is [censored], and I am so disheartened to hear the court took your ex's side like that. As has been said, covid-19 is proving to be the optimum excuse for our ex's to obstruct contact with our children.

An update on my situation: I have just had a message from my ex saying that she's not happy with our daughter getting in a taxi or on a bus (it's taken her over a week to come to that conclusion...). She is now offering to cycle with my daughter to mine instead as a compromise. She has said it would need to be flexible. For instance, if the weather is bad, my contact may get delayed a day, and similarly if the weather is bad when my ex needs to cycle back over to collect my daughter, my daughter may need to stay an extra night or two with me. I have sent a message back to ask when she would be proposing to drop our daughter off to me this week, to which she insisted that I agree with everything she has proposed first. This is a common tactic - she always has to be in control. I replied to simply say that I would let her know later. I have left a voicemail with the solicitor to ask for some more advice, hopefully they will get back to me today. Part of me feels that I should accept, part of me isn't sure. If I don't accept and I go through with an enforcement order, it could be ages before I see my daughter at all. Maybe I should accept on the condition that my ex promises contact will take place every week?

do any of you drive? would be lot easier if you use your own car. i would say agree to see your child. as you know other dads like me haven't seen kids for over 2 months. try to get more info out of her, like when will contact arrangements go back to normal. can mention things like school re-openings or when lockdown being lifted.

Bill, I would say that decision is an error in law, which would be grounds for an appeal.

Hello semifinalist87,

I didn't hear the full P.M.'s briefing tonight but I understand any single person with children under 18 years of age can have a Support Bubble. It appears that another household can come and go as they please to the other house and treat it like a home, sleepovers are allowed. You cannot have more than one Support Bubble though, it's not a free for all.

This should err well for fathers who have been denied access to their children by the mother who has used the coronavirus as an excuse to deny contact. Of course these women will still carry on playing their "games" but now in my opinion it will be more difficult to use the coronavirus as a reason to deny access, direct contact and sleepovers to a father unless of course there is a genuine reason for doing so. In many cases they will choose someone else to be their Support Bubble but it does stop them from using Covid19 against the fathers.