[Solved] Trouble resuming normal contact

How old is your daughter?

Remind her that there is an order in place, and that you'd like to resume, and that if she doesn't comply, you will pursue enforcement. Give her 3 days to reconsider, and if she doesn't, file for enforcement.

You had valid reasons to not go ahead with contact. Lord mc farlane issued a statement as well. now you feel comfortable contact should be re-instated immediately back to how it was. U could bare in mind not to upset child and that's it been 2 months is maybe have daytime contact before commencing overnights . if co parenting is happening after 1 contact session things should pretty much go back to how things was . 2 months isn't very long for a child . it sure well is for us dads though.

If she fails to re instate contact file for enforcement

Hi,

What is your normal contact?

I think that if you have given a proposal and she has refused, giving her an ultimatum to follow the order or you will apply for an enforcement may just mean going longer without contact and although lockdown is easing I just don't feel as though the courts will have a harsh view on the mother during covid (my opinion I could be completely wrong). My point is you may end up having to go longer without contact.

I would send a proposal reminding your ex that the best interest of the child is the court order but take into consideration the time spent away - possibly compromise/agree to gradually increasing contact and set a timeline of how this will be done with 'deadlines/dates'. (having little contact at the beginning knowing it will increase has got to be a better than no contact). I would push on the fact you have an arrangement but you are taking into consideration the mothers view and so if nothing is agreed in x amount of time (i.e 5 days) or the proposal is not achieved by your deadline date you will be going back for an enforcement.

You could ask you ex to send you a proposal of how she expects to build contact to fulfil the court order to see her suggestions, if she does not agree to your proposal of gradually building time.

Be clear that an enforcement may need to take place if she's not willing to discuss or fulfil the court order in reasonable time as the court order reflects the childs best interest.

Good luck!
P.s. the above is what I would do! I cannot say it's right or wrong just a matter of opinion if I were in your position.

Hello semifinalist87,

If I remember correctly your daughter is 6 or 7 years of age.

You have a Court Order. If you are ready to resume contact with your daughter as stated in the Court Order, I personally believe YOU should choose a day you wish contact to resume.

In my opinion it is totally unnecessary for "phased contact" as suggested by the Mother. The Court Order stipulates when contact takes place not the Mother.

I would write or email to the Mother (keep a copy for yourself) a brief, courteous and simple message as follows:-

Dear (Mother's christian name),
With regard to our Daughter it is now an appropriate time to return to the contact I should have with her as stipulated in the Court Order.
I shall collect her on (day & date) at (time).
Regards,
(your christian name).

I personally would not engage in discussing the matter, negotiating or compromizing with her if she is being unfair, unreasonable or controlling as these approaches would enable her to increase her degree of control and lessen yours.

I would go and collect your daughter on the day you have informed her you shall.
If she refuses to allow your daughter to come with you, be calm and accepting and then, I personally would go back to court and file for Enforcement of the Court Order.
It is your right to have contact with your child and for your child to have contact with you.

Thanks for all your replies.

Yeah, my daughter is 7.

Ldad, my normal contact is Thursday to Saturday evening each week during term time, and we are meant to have an equal amount of time with our daughter during the holidays. I am also to have her on father's day, which I need to remind my ex about.

My dad raised a very good point regarding the 'phased' contact, which my ex frequently tries to enforce for one reason or another: a lot of parents work jobs that require them to be away from their children for long periods of time, working for the armed forces, as a touring entertainer, for example. Never do they return home to be greeted by their partners telling them that they can't see their children yet, and their contact will need to be phased back in. They get home, greet their kids, and resume 'normal' family life. So what makes it difference for us non-custodial parents?

When I initially posted I had emailed my ex with pretty much the same format you had suggested actually, Motherofafather, keeping my email direct and to the point. I instantly got a response to say, as I mentioned above, that she wouldn't be agreeing to my proposal and the contact would need to be phased, and I am still waiting to hear back from her.

I have contacted the solicitor's firm who dealt with my last court application. My old solicitor no longer works there but I remembered she had said to get in touch if there were any further problems. I am just waiting to hear back from them. I was told I might not get a response until Tuesday though, and I had proposed to pick my daughter up as per court order on Thursday. I am thinking I will give my ex until Monday evening to see what she comes up with, before I email her again saying something like 'As I haven't heard from you and I am due to pick our daughter up in just a few days, I can only assume that is okay, given that is what is set out for us in the court order, and look forward to seeing our daughter then'. Or something like that. What do you think?

Go to her house for contact as usual. if refused submit an application back to family court. I would also make her aware you attend to do so if she refuses contact and say nicely I don't want any of these dramas and I just want to be a dad . this is a difficult time for everyone and scary

That's a great arrangement (when it's working).

In regards to the phased contact, I know exactly what you mean about phased contact when many families have either of their parents working away from home but I think the difference is the hostility. I.e those parents are supportive and positive about the other parent, I highly doubt in the situations you or my partner are in that the other parent refuses contact but remains positive about them. It is more likely that they portray negativity, whether that be words actions or just the atmosphere. The reason I say that is because when the mother refused contact in my partner's situation, she claimed the child was not known to the father and the father was a stranger to the child due to the missed contact. On the first meeting back after 4-6 months with no contact the child certainly did not forget the father and the father was not a stranger but I think it's a matter that the judges do not know how the child will react so the best approach would be to implement phased contact.

I feel that it may just result in enforcement? But I just think if you offered to accept phased contact (and reasonable phased contact) the mother would have no reason or justification for refusing contact if it came to a hearing.

I think what you have decided to do is reasonable still and I hope you do get contact!

Good luck

Yeah, it's definitely a case of hostility as to why that logic doesn't apply to us separated parents. I wouldn't bother mentioning that to my ex, but the court does often seem to favour phased contact when it's unnecessary. I feel like they think they are appealing to all the parties best interest when they do that - in their minds they think well, the mother wins because she gets the phased contact with the child's father that she wanted, the father wins because I'm still letting him see his child, and the child wins because they still get to see both parents. However, phased contact isn't what we want.

Anyway...I still haven't heard from my ex or the solicitor, so I sent my ex a further email, keeping it polite and to the point, just stating that as I haven't been given a reason as to why my contact shouldn't resume this week, and contact is court-ordered, I will pick our daughter up on Thursday as usual. I'm pretty sure she will come back with 'no, not happening', but that's to be expected, and then I can take both that email and the original message she sent to a solicitor and take whatever next step is advised - a letter to her or an application for an enforcement order.

what i usually do before returning to court is send a letter/pdf with proposals for normal contact etc. and if i don't hear from you in 7 days, I am returning to court.

Hello semifinalist 87,

In the last few days what is happening to you has now happened to my Son. The Mother is refusing to resume regular contact, alternate weekends as stipulated in the Court Order.

Unfortunately this pandemic and the necessary changes in contact which have had to be made has given the narcissistic type of person the opportunity to utilize the control they relish.

Give this type of person control and they will forever take more and more.
I firmly believe it is impossible to ever reason with them or expect them to consider the other parent.
They do not even consider how detrimental it is to the welfare of their own child/ren.

My Son has stated to the Mother that he will be at the changeover on the stated day and time for the handover as stipulated in the Court Order. She will either turn up or not but if she doesn't it will be straight to court.

As for phased contact I am going to be very direct and say I have never heard such a ridiculous suggestion. I do not believe it should ever be considered when a father has had regular contact with their child whom they have bonded with.

I've been reading your thread as we seem to be putting up. With similar opportunists throughout this pandemic.
Phased contact everytime you return from? This is ridiculous in my opinion.
If your son understands you go to work at blocks at a time then he will be excited to see you return so you can get together for your block of quality time again. Time with young children is so very precious, and your ex is wasting it.
We feel the same. Slightly different, but told no contact as normal until covid gone. Crazy as covid not going anywhere anytime soon, it's just learning to adapt to a new way of life. Now that should still include your babies.
We've tried everything, she's not budging.
Reading your last message you mentioned if she says no I will go to a solicitor, please don't waste any more time, we wasted 4 weeks, 2 contact seasons and regret it massively.
She's already breached the order? Get your enforcement applied for today, the bag log is crazy, we sent 7 weeks ago, still not had the call to pay and process. They are so busy, we will be lucky to get this heard before end of summer.
So much precious time lost. So very frustrating.
I believe for an enforcement, the proof is in the pudding and you can walk in to court with head high and no solicitor needed. She's broken it and you are trying to protect yours and your sons time together.please don't waste time on another message and reply etc, we sat doing this.
So far we've had 7 consecutive breaches during pandemic. All he wants is his quality contact back and praying a mags or judge on the day will return this.
I should add, however now application in, my partner still sends a nice message just before normal contact should be, asking if he can have them. Worth a try whilst you wait. But still the breach is there so even if she returns he will continue with court to hopefully get the right results to make her think before she tries this again later down the line.