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So, my 15 month old bawls uncontrollably when his mother leaves, even if it's just to get some privacy while using the bathroom. And when she actually leaves the house, it's a continuous effort to keep him distracted the entire time, less he wanders over to the front door and starts crying. This makes bedtime difficult for me to do on my own as well.
His mother is currently with him all day/every day, while I am at work, as he hasn't started daycare yet. It all just makes it entirely frustrating for me. I know i should prioritize his happiness and well being, but I can't help but be sensitive to the fact that he never comes to me for comfort.
On top of that, his mother often "corrects" my parenting behavior, which just makes me feel even more incompetent. I know she means well, and she is thoroughly a caring and motherly parent, but this whole situation just has me feeling like a third wheel.
Everything I've read says it's just a phase, and to spend quality time with him - which i try to do with the limited time i have (evenings and weekends, etc) - but I'll never be able to spend as much time with him as his mother.
Any thoughts or silver lining?
some younger children to tend to suffer from separation anxiety. My youngest hated going to nursery at first, she would cry the entire time and event cry out of pure joy when she was picked up. But it got better.
Did you take any time off when the child was born? It might be worth booking a week off work and spending more time with them, do all the things the mother does while you are at work? It is hopefully just a phase he will grow out of soon enough though.
Hello Bones_malone,
Sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time at the moment. Here are a few practical suggestions for you that you could try.
1. Can your partner have a special teddy/blanket or toy that your son can hold/ play with to distract him when mum has said goodbye? She can reassure him that she will return, and that in the mean time this distraction may help.
2. Its Cliché, but distraction when mum needs to other stuff around the home or use the bathroom, is a really good technique. My youngest still cried when I went away, but was soon calm when they had something else to do or watch.
3. Have you had much time together as a family of three? Perhaps try going to the park and let your partner watch you both play together.
4. Make something special for mum - like a picture or get her some flowers, which will show your son you love his mum as well as him.
5. If any of the above work - praise and encourage your son for playing nicely whilst mummy has been busy, for example.
Please try not to worry that your son doesn't love you any less - he's still very young. He knows you love him by how you are with him and his mum. Children will generally go to their main caregiver if they are present, but don't lose heart - take each day at a time. Keep communication open with your partner, and perhaps, not in front of your son, gently discuss with your partner that sometimes you feel a little hurt when she comments on your parenting. There are some excellent charities with lots of good parenting advice. Fegans and Care For The Family are two.
The important thing is that you care, hope all works out, Kind Regards, Fegans Parent Support Worker.
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