Threats of reducing contact

Thanks so much for all the help guys, just a couple of points . How do i go about getting statements from people , stating that there is no case for abuse? has anyone done this before? i'm going to put together a folder with everything in , in preparation . 

we have already started the divorce ball rolling, and have The Decree Nisi in place already, we have twice literally been 2 weeks away from finalising only for her to pull out. 

So im clear my best way forward is to apply for a CAO , ride the wave of false accusations and then try and force the sell of the house? 

I have had a solicitor for 12 months and feel its got me nowhere, at what point do i need one , should i get a new one?

Yep that sounds like the right order to tackle things... The CAO has to be the focus..

Thing about statements is that unless they are from professionals it is hit and miss whether they would be considered. After all I'm sure you could both get friends who could vouch for either side. However, still important to prepare as it builds a picture.

It all depends on what she could allege, if it's just mud slinging and you are 100% certain she will not have any evidence to back up allegations then you probably can just stand your ground, deny, say it just never happened and you have no idea why she is saying what she is. The onus is on her to convince the court. Although remember court errs on side of caution. On the other hand if things have happened in the relationship (many relationships have bad patches which can be misconstrued and portrayed as abuse) then you need to prep more as to how you can refute and deny.. Hence my suggestion of a clear 6 months with zero issues and positive/regular contact with the kids.

Your solicitor will have given you reassurance and confidence to move forward with things. You probably don't need to change but maybe armed with more knowledge give them more direction and guidance and keep your costs down at the same time. 

Me again , I’ve got the kids this weekend and both my older kids have told me that ‘mummy is only going to let us see you every other weekend from September , and if she wanted she could get you arrested for the things you’ve done’ 

she has been threatening things for 18 months now and done nothing , I barely even speak to her so I can’t see what it could be , and she’s more than happy to ask for me to have the kids more if she wants fo go away / go out etc , but if I say no she talks about domestic abuse 

now honestly I can think of nothing I’ve done that is even borderline abuse , at what point should I involve social services fo manipulation ? Is there any way I can make her show what she is talking about ? 

hi,

I would advise to wait till you have started process for child arranagements order. their social workers will get involved and talk to you. then you can report all your concerns and the strange things your children have been saying to you. they really don't like children being caught in the middle or being used as a messenger.

Daddyup is giving you excellent advice. Start the legal proceedings now and everything else will fall into place. To add:

1. If possible, don't alter a change of your current schedule. 
   • Every time it changes for her benefit it sends the message that she is the default caregiver and you are an alternate
   • Every time you show up, it is positive for you.
   • Every time she restricts you from seeing the kids, or doesn't present the kids according to your agreed schedule it is negative towards her
2. Worry about the allegations when allegations are made.
   • It seems counter intuitive, but when she threatens you with DV allegations, she is making a case on your behalf. She is creating a history of threatening behaviour that is especially helpful if you can time threats with occasions you have said no. 
   • This isn't the first time the courts have seen this, so if you can. Breathe. it doesn't paint the target on your back that you think. 
   • She has been threatening you for 18 months and hasn't done a thing.
3. Like Bill said, avoid the kids playing messenger. 
   • Try the script: "I"m sorry that happened, you shouldn't have to worry about that. That's a mummy-daddy conversation."
   • Then don't address it with your ex. As long as messages are getting through your kids will continue to be messengers.
   • The kids will thank you for it. Then your time is your time and isn't poisoned by their mother.

It's hard now, but in five years you'll be doing great and so will your kids. This is just the mountain you need to climb to get to the other side. Good luck