[Solved] Struggling Bigtime

Hi Slim, I'm glad your on here letting this out, and also that you're talking to a counsellor. I'm not at all surprised that you have been through this, but you seem to be starting to come out the other side. Keep us up to date with how things are going.

Sounds like you have a good friend where you are 🙂

Well done for speaking out, it really does help. I have been the same recently, feel helpless and hopeless and wanting to give up on everything. It is so hard for us, I don't think people actually think about the impact on a fathers mental health.

Keep on fighting!!

hi slim,

don't give up. you mentioned that you been enduring this for a few years? me and a lot of other dads have not seen our kids for 3 months+ till recently, due to lockdown and crazy ex's. I know one dad who did not get to see his kids for almost an ENTIRE YEAR!! he didn't give up and still seeing his kids on a regular basis 🙂

emotions are raw and come upon us in strong waves. being out of work just makes things worse. have to take care of ourselves. your friends and family are a support network. even though they can't really understand our situation, simply talking to them helps. make the most of the good weather this summer. plan days out, road trips. will help clear your head. regular exercise is important for mental health as well as physical.

yeah it's been going on for 7 years and I didn't see my girl for the first year of her life, I have been tortured off her mum everyday for them 7 years, this will be my 3rd time at court.
I fought through court as soon as my girl was born and didnt see her until the day after her first birthday, I've not seen my girl for 2 months now but its harder this time as ive been seeing her every weekend for the past 5 years until contact was stopped at the start of covid.

its extra tough this time as my girl is 6 years old and making her own breakfast dinner and tea as her mum is always spannered in bed full of sleeping tablets, cocaine, drink and anti depressant tablets all found when the police went round after her other disabled daughter phoned the police, the girls are constantly left on their own, my girl has serious health issues due to the abuse, theyre left on their own, both girls are been fed sleeping tablets and anti depressants to drug and control them.
Thanks for the comments guys, I'm not giving up, I've just had my case review done and we are just about to make the application to enforce the order and apply for residency, theres a huge backlog so I cant see it getting to court this year

Bill i think that person you are talking about is me, I've actually retired seeing as I got made redundant I'm not working for someone again, I've set up a little business which is booming and I've set up a non profit business for my daughter which has exploded, it's just a shame my girl doesnt know about it as ive not seen her, this time has caused rifts with every single member of my family as they all are saying walk away so I have zero family support and theyve all made me an outsider.

what has amazed me is the support ive recieved from friends, I'm defo feeling better about things but not looking forward to not seeing my girl for the rest of this year whilst the abuse continues, I'm just waiting for the call that theyre all dead.

I do feel better and I've not spoken to the samaritans for 2 weeks, I actually went on a date last weekend and it was great as I've been single for 7 years and not been able to date as Ive had my girl every weekend.

thanks for the support guys

Slim, I'm new to the forum but your post reminded me of me too...

I've been going through [censored] for 1.5 years and I regularly came on here to read advice and never had the courage to join and post until recently.

Glad you posted on here, that your getting support and trying to be positive.

We almost need a thread where we can all just have a rant! Wait, I think you've just created one..!!!

Stay positive..

Hi Mr Slim, I'm pleased to read that you are having some positive life experiences now. Keep a record of the things that you are doing for your daughter and when you are next able to spend time with her, she will know how much you cared and loved her. It's good too, to keep talking, the Samaritans are a fantastic charity and are there to help you when you need it. Perhaps plan something good to do with your friends, so you have something to look forward to. One day at a time. Each day is an achievement of its own. Wishing you all the best, Fegans PSV

Thanks Clarinet and daddyup, My new life after getting the sack from my job a month ago is amazing I've ended up claiming benefits for the first time in my life and have signed up to the universal credit enterprise scheme to set my business up and a stand alone charity which is in my daughters name so when I do see her again and she asks what ive been doing since not seeing her i can say hey darlin Ive set you up youre own charity.

both my new business and her charity have been operating since the start of covid and theyre both absolutely rocking I cant go into to much detail but my girls charity has been on the BBC so its gone worldwide.

I did actually tell my girl about the first 2 court fights for her as i couldnt skate around the subject or lie anymore so she knows mummy is trying to stop me seeing her and she knows ill be going back to court.

I was worried about telling her but i thought honesty is the best policy and after i told her she said "i know it was hard daddy but it was worth it to see me" lol

I've got plenty to keep me busy whilst all thsi is going on which is a great distraction.

My legal adviser has just finished my case review and she has just sent over a couple of quotes for her to be my MF throughout and attend the hearings.

I've never had help in court I have LIP in the past and recieved guidance off the mods on here.

My MF is ready to rock so I'm going to have a think tonight run it past a few people but im leaning towards paying a fixed fee of £1250 for all the applications, correspondance, LIP training, all letter writing dealing with the other side ect and attend the hearings, whats peoples thoughts on that? were applying to enforce the order and vary for residency.

Thankfully I'm in a better place since i posted this topic and feel better now the [censored] rolling.

yeah the samaratins are great I started calling them 7 years ago when all thsi started they are amazing 🙂

Thanks for the advice guys it is much appreciated 🙂

hi slim,

as you have enough court experience already, perhaps you should continue self-repping. as we know the cafcass/local socials report will be the most crucial. MF or lawyers will not be able to influence that. if the £1200 will not be a one-off, then your probably better off hiring barrister for each hearing. maybe be able to get one for £500-600 per hearing.

Nice one Bill, yeah that makes sense, I am pretty confident going LIP again but this MF is offering LIP training also and the £1200 was with her attending court for the day so we've had a chat today and she's saying £950 for filling out applications, position statements, reading researching new documents, paralegal work, ect ect.

although I done pretty well the 2 previous court visits I ended up with wishy washy orders which left it wide open for abuse and I've never been happy with what was ordered. the last visit she got an awesome lawyer who completely wiped the floor with me.

this MF has been highly recommended and shes helped a very close friend with contact with his kids, I helped my mate get residency of both his kids with the help of this MF.

as I said earlier I'm on a mission to get back on top after my career ended and I'm mega busy so i like the idea of having some help this time and I'd like to be an MF myself so like it that this MF is offering training.

I have checked out prices for barristers and theyre saying £1300 per day is the going rate.

I am actually really looking forward to court this time with a bit of support and I like it how my MF is always a message away anytime of the day.

thanks for the reply mate

I think you should self rep. You wont get residency when you return back to family court. however from what you have written it is definitely something that may happen in future though. what i would do is be going back to family court is to get midweek overnights introduced . for example a wednesday and if you havent already get every other weekend friday pick up from school drop off to school monday. suddenly you are on 10 nights a month and half of all holidays . if your ex behaves the same way you described eventually you can work slowly towards getting residency by bumping contact up slowly. It is easier for a family court to consider residency if a dad already has 12 nights a month as it isnt a big change. they rarely jump from every other weekend to full residency unless you are backed with recommendations from cafcass or social services suggesting residency. she would have to dosomething drastically wrong with involvement of police and social services and there been a huge safeguarding risk noticed

I have had my girl, monday night for tea, overnight wednesdays, fiday night saturday night sunday night and drop off monday for school for the past 5 years every week without fail,

the first time i went to court i wintnessed top kick punch slap and throw her eldest daughter over the room, because i witnessed it she stopped me seeing both girls for a year.

roll on 2016 and i fly back from holiday and kept my daughter and got residency because top had been found asleep in charge of both girls surrounded by cocain drink bottle prescription drugs sleeping tablets and anti depressants.

she got a wicked solicitor who wiped the floor with me and it went back to the contact as it was above,

roll on until the start of covid and she stopped contact again for 7 weeks when i got a call from social services saying top had been found asleep again house unlivable surrounded by more drink drugs by the police because the eldest phoned the police.

my daughter then tells me they have been fed sleeping tablets, they fen for themselves during the day and make their own food

top has had around 30 referals to SS over 12 years and 8 last year alone.

I am going LIP with the assistance of an MF and im enforcing the order from 2016 wich was monday wednesday friday til monday I've always had more time with my girl than the other parent so I see absolutely no reason why I shouldnt get residency this time.