Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi, I've got 2 kids (2.5 and 6). The 2.5 year old needs her tonsils out and has sleep apnoea. She's never done more than 2 hrs sleep at a time which has had an enormous affect on our marriage. We can't have the operation for another 12 mths.
I've not had any time with my wife really since our youngest was born. We've not had [censored] for 2 years as she's always tending to our youngest. Or too tired as she barely gets sleep because of all the breastfeeding.
I feel like I've been pretty patient but the lack of intimacy, or even the slightest bit of interest is becoming unbearably frustrating. It doesn't seem to bother her much, maybe she's got what she wanted (2 kids) and that's that.
Anyone else been through this? I want to be a good dad/husband and hang in there but am I wasting my time?
I'm sorry to hear this and can understand how difficult it is for you. However, it's also difficult for your wife. It's unusual to be breastfeeding a 2.5 year old child and this must be making her tired as well. Can you get a baby sitter and try to work a solution away from home? Unfortunately waiting lists for tonsillectomy are long and it may be more than a year before it's done. Perhaps you could arrange for a health visitor to call who could give your wife advice on breastfeeding/weaning? Try not to give up yet as this is going to put extra pressure on both of you.
@dadmod3 thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it. The breastfeeding is really all about when she stops breathing for 20 seconds then coughs and wakes up frightened, it's like the only way of settling her as she's hysterical. Getting her off breastfeeding would be a big help but my partner doesn't seem interested in doing that and I'm not sure how the toddler would cope.
Having young children can be very stressful and challenging at times and sometimes these difficult periods can also seem to last forever. It sounds like it is tough for both of you, what with the lack of quality sleep. Have you talked to your wife about this? I'd say this is the most important and valuable thing you could do if you are feeling like this. She may not be aware of how you are feeling or she may be thinking the same, you don't know until you open the conversation up. Female hormone levels vary after having children and during breastfeeding, which can alter libido levels. So it's likely that she still wants to be with you but that drive isn't there right now for her. Some women may feel that they are less attractive after having children. Be curious, gently let her know how you feel yourself and also how you feel about her, and ask how she is doing.
@dadmod5 thanks for the reply. I agree, I think a big chat is due. The problem is I know my wife will see me even raising it as a criticism. She gets migraines due to the lack of sleep and collapses every night at 9am. Not sure it's fair for me to expect anything of her but I am a human and being the live in butler is starting to grate a bit.
May be you could start my expressing concern for her welfare. Encourage her to see the GP for her migraines. Try not to make it about you. The situation should improve if she feels cared for and less exhausted
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.