Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Is a shared care arrangement always 50/50 or am I getting my hopes up.
Morning Chrrriisss - trust you're doing well.
Unfortunately, the term shared care does not always refer to an equal split of staying (overnight) contact in a 50/50 fashion.
Whilst courts start from the view that it is in the child(rens) best interest to have active involvement of both parents wherever it is safe to do so, there tends to be a focus on stability and normality in the young ones lives that causes minimal disruption and reduces the risk of conflict. This often means trying to focus on the child having a 'primary' home.
That being said, there are more and more examples of dads getting their fair amount of time (I am a working example of this having progressed from 1-2 nights a week to a full 50/50 shared care arrangement).
My 2 pennies, both in Court and with CAFCASS/Social Services keep your focus on why 50/50 is actually beneficial for the child and do your best to not make it about what is good for you.
Some points to highlight when you can (and assuming you can commit to the following) that were useful in my own circumstance:
1. How you will be able to adjust your work commitments around the suggested schedule?
2. How travel arrangements will work (i.e. handovers from school remove a large portion of separated parents having to interact especially where there communication issues - an added benefit is both parents can have an active involvement with the education setting)?
3. If the child(ren) will benefit from any extracurricular activity, is this something you can both agree and commit to as parents? In my own case, a schedule of 2-2-5-5 meant that each parent gets a weekend but can also plan activity on set days (i.e. I always have my daughter on Wed and Thur night so can pick activities that fall on those days).
This is not an exhaustive list, just a guide of some things to think about.
Ultimately, the courts will make the final decision and my experience is that their starting point is finding reasons to give dads extra time, rather than reasons to take time away from a 50/50 beginning - it is sad, and in my humble opinion, wholly unfair but it is what it is. Just keep that focus on all the positives that a 50/50 arrangement can bring and don't be too disheartened if this isn't what you end up with.
CD.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.