[Solved] No contact with my daughter

Any thoughts guys?

Hi

Sorry to hear that. Are you still in touch with the mother? What is the reason for no contact? What is your current situation? Are you living in the UK and your daughter is in the UK?

Thanks

Hi, no we live in the Netherlands. It is just that I cannot find a support group here for dads.
My ex has not had contact with me from moment she filed divorce. No mediation or discussion.
From moment she descided we should separate my life was in ruins

Om reason for divorce maybe better to talk about more private?

I am not sure how it works in the Netherlands. Is there a court process you can follow to allow contact? In the UK, we have to apply to the courts for this process, it can be long and painful, but it is the only way. do you have access to any legal advisors who can help you?

Hi thnx for replying. During divorce the court has given sole custody to my wife. She filed for limited contact for me. I had many problems at the time and did not know or have not obejected. Now I must start a procedure myself... Costa a lot of money that I don’t have.

Hi

Are you having the limited contact your ex filed for?

One thing I advocate for is video calls, do you think your ex would allow that? How old is your daughter?

You may have had issues at the time of divorce however I guess what is key is where you are now. Have you focused on yourself so that you are in a better position and can you demonstrate this.

If you were to contact ex (if you have contact details?) would she respond positively? Especially if your contact was positive..

With you being in the Netherlands it is difficult to advise other than provide some moral support but also parenting and general advice.

If you can't afford legal costs then sometimes the only option is to take small steps with the ex and build up contact over a longer period of time. With each step build more trust with your ex and build a relationship with your daughter. Video calls helps with this. Most importantly do not be negative, do not harass, do not try to force or rush things.

Thanks

No contact was filed against me. My wife is not open to talk with me and video calls are the ones I get at birthdays and one time at Christmas.
My daughter turned 7 in januari and that was the last time I had contact (video).
Live visites are not possible.
Small steps sounds good but I am the only one taking them. She avoids any contact with me.
I can understand my situation but I do feel physical stress and I miss her so much.

I last year I rebuild my life. Have a new job, not the management function Inhad but I have somewhat steady income. I have an apartment, clean and nice. I am trying to make new friends although that’s very hard because I am an open person.

Hi

Looks like you have made some very positive changes to your life which is great.

As you currently get video calls then I really do think you should build on the video calls first as the next step. How do these currently work? Who facilitates them? Your daughter or ex? Are they via Skype? I prefer Skype as the calls can be recorded and both parties get a recording to download. My ex can then check these recordings and satisfy herself that everything is ok.

I started off with one call per week but now I get 3 to 4 calls all last anywhere between 1 hour and 4 hours. Longer calls are with my eldest who is 11 and wants to show me his online gaming i.e Fortnite etc..

However the benefit is that Skype is also an instant messenger so the kids message me whenever they like such as when they are missing me or when they have done something new/exciting. I didn't ask them to do this it just naturally evolved as they became more tech aware.

If you can do the above then I would recommend it, the other benefit is that in time your daughter may also start to suggest meeting up with you to your ex because she is speaking to you via video calls and adding pressure to your ex. Never suggest this to your daughter just let her do it.

It is a slow process I admit but it is progress. If your ex starts to believe that you are a good influence on daughter then the process may happen quicker etc.

One thing to not do is to interrogate your daughter on calls by asking what ex is doing etc or make things uncomfortable. Your ex will soon stop the calls and you will lose trust.

This is just my opinion..

Hi thnx, gives me some hope. My ex initiated the calls but only because it is my right to have them. If it was to her I am sure she would refuse. The calls are in skype and most of the time a social worker is attending on their side.
I am sure our situations are not alike but I do feel a little bit better reading your advice and hopes.
Thnx!!

I do not feel comfy about telling all here on forum, some maybe better for personal chat or mail?