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I see my 3 year old son every other weekend but find him unsettled and sometimes very subdued. Contact with his mum is almost non-existent, she won't even tell us in the contact book if he is on medication, even calpol. We have resorted to having questions and boxes in the contact book so she doesn't write essays explaining how big his poos are and how many slices of cucumber he has eaten.
He has made comments to my new partner like "I don't like you, you make my mummy cry", "skank". Originally the relationship was brilliant but now he won't leave my side. We have had to drop the over night stays as he won't even settle in bed without me.
He is moving for the second time now and she won't include him in it, this leaves him even more unsettled and confused.
Is there anything I am missing, any advice anyone can give?
Any suggestions moving forward to help him get through this.
hi,
I think it's normal for 3 year old's to be clingy like that. Mine was the same. She's now 4 but not much has changed 🙂 she like's to follow me around the house, always comes looking for me after a very short time. I think you should restart the overnights. would be important for bonding. otherwise he might start to become very distant from you and may show no interest in visiting your place in few years time.
what do you mean when you stated that he is moving house, but his mother won't include him in it?
Hello sparky001,
How are things at the moment? I was reading your post and thinking how difficult it must be for you and your partner at the moment. Your 3 year old is clearly very aware that something isn't quite right within his family unit, and he seems unsettled. Just focusing on the time that you do have your son, here's a few suggestions for you to try that may help the time you spend with him be more positive.
1. Perhaps have a "feelings" chart on the wall, and ask him to point to an emoji face to let you know how he is feeling? Then you and your partner could take a turn too. This may then lead you into a chat about how its not very kind to say things like "I don't like you" and explain why. There are plenty of resources on line for "feelings charts". You could also turn it into a game, as chatting about how we feel is pro active.
2. Is there a new activity that you and your son could do together with your partner that is just for when he stays with you? It doesn't have to be expensive - walks out, making pictures, reading stories, watching children's films are all low cost activities.
3. Finally spending 1-1 time for as little as 20 mins per time really helps you to bond and its the time where your son would choose the activity. You would let him lead the play and take charge. You will be amazed at what young children will chat about whilst they are playing, or they may get you involved in some great imagination game !
I agree with the other post here about persevering with the overnight stays. A good secure bedtime routine will help - tea, play, bath, story, bed etc. I hope you find some of this useful, and that your time with your son and your partner really improves. Fegans and Care For the Family are great charities with lots of information online for helping parents in all kinds of situations. Kind Regards, Fegans Parent Support Volunteer.:)
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