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Hi
I got divorced 10 years ago, I’ve paid maintenance from day 1, for the last few years it’s been £600 pm
I also pay for daughters mobile £20 pm and give her £10 a week ‘allowance’ so in all approx £660 pm, my ex has had a habit of requesting I pay more as she can’t afford….not doing so has always felt like I’d be painted as the bad guy so I do for an easy life….
Whilst she was at school I also paid for her school meals and 50% towards all school trips, books and uniform
live never shirked my responsibilities….
Thing is it’s got me no where, my eldest daughter (27) hasn’t spoken to me in 5 years and my youngest (17) hasn’t also stopped talking to me - to my knowledge I’ve done nothing other than split from their mum….
whatever I’ve paid has never seemingly been enough, their mum cried poverty but is living mortgage free and met a new guy who is financially affluent - I’ve also moved on but live (very happily) with my partner but with a huge mortgage, we struggle to live as comfortably as we could….
in an effort to contact youngest I reached out to my ex for help and the reply I got was to advise that my youngest was still attending college and I had to pay at least another years maintenance and a demand to see my p60
i had intended to stop paying when she was 18 - I didn’t realise the rules extended past then tbh
My questions are….
1/ in reality what could my ex do if I stop paying on her 18th - solicitors/csa/court?
2/ if I refuse to disclose my p60 what can she do - I don’t want to pay her a penny more, plus as above I’ve always paid additional funds sometimes through coercion but I just wanted an easy life tbh
it would be good to know what my options are as tbh we could really do with the extra money whilst I know my ex is financially sound so it does grate somewhat that I still have to pay
If I have too I have too but what’s the end game here for me if I don’t??
thanks ever so much for any responses
cheers
hi,
so you have been paying maintenance as private arrangement? if you do stop paying, then yes she may open a CMS case. have you checked the CMS calculator site? gives a good estimate of what to pay and what your payments would look like under CMS:
https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance
with CMS, its heavily linked to child benefit. if child benefit is still active, then you would be expected to carry on paying.
Thanks for reply - effectively yes private arrangement as part of divorce settlement - we used to assess it based on gov calculator but she then asks me to pay extras, which up till now I’ve done - my circumstances now mean I can’t and won’t pay her a penny more than I do - I guess it looks like I’m liable for one more year of payments as daughters 3 year course will end 2026….all seems a bit harsh when she’s moved on and financially doesn’t need my money and daughter will be an adult in July : I know friends where ex has never paid anything or avoid but seem to get away with it, I’ve never agreed with that tho….looking forward to the day I don’t have to pay anymore tho
Thanks
@richmouse you mention daughters 3 year course. are you referring to University/degree level? because according to CMS system, child maintenance ends once child starts advanced education (uni).
@dadmod2 hi - it’s a 3 year mechanics course I’ve no idea what level as I get scant/no info
@richmouse Hi I can relate to this. Not seen my son for 4 years complied to stay away as requested he was 12. Had a private agreement which I stuck to. Then out of the blue when he's 6 months away from his 17th birthday. She CSA me. I'm not allowed to know if he's at college part time work or anything. Just expected to pay. I'm happy to if I should but she would happily take my money until he's 20. Likewise she's married both working in good jobs. I'm struggling with 1 income and a child. Don't know where to turn. CSA are all for the mothers
@dadmod2 Unfortunately tried that. They won't tell me. They advise to keep reporting her and if she is claiming child benefit when she shouldn't she would be in trouble. Even then they won't tell me anything. But that won't stop her taking my money every week on a private agreement. Surely I have a right to know
Hi,
So I'll try answer the questions being asked as I am in this position unfortunately.
You can be paying 'maintenance' right up until the day before his/her 20th birthday. So if they were born on 02/04/2005 you could potentially pay right up to 01/04/2025. This is only if they are in full time education and not in higher education (A-levels and below basically or equivalent).
If you stop paying then your ex can open a case with the CMS and they have access to your monthly pay (this null and voids your P60) so they will base their calculation off what DWP provide them with. You can of course use the online calculator to get a rough indication on how much you should expect to pay. I would say be careful of this though. Unfortunately they use their rules which states they can go as far back as 6 years. In my case I was earning £15,100 so they went back 2 years prior where I was earning £28,400. As they had done this I took it to tribunal but the CMS representative basically B/S'd his way out of it citing child maintenance rules and regulations, on top of that the adjudicator wasn't really that interested so it cost me my job.
Unfortunately they will not tell you anything about the other parent. If they are able to claim benefits then that's all CMS go off of, they're not interested in speaking with schools or colleges etc...they expect you to do that (despite knowing benefits can be claimed fraudulently).
If you don't pay on the scheduled date they class it as a late payment and if your ex (like mine) is vindictive enough, she can have a deductions order set up which costs the paying parent more.
In a nutshell there is no incentive for the receiving parent to be helpful in any way as from a financial point of view they will lose out. For instance if you have the child stay with you over a certain period of time over the year, this will reduce the amount you pay towards the receiving parent. If you pay more than what the CMS tells you, they class this as a gift. Your ex basically controls everything and CMS will not listen or help you at all.
I have exhausted their complaints process, 2 ICE cases, 3 MP's and currently going through PHSO as a last resort before I take legal action in court.
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