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the mother of my daughter is very difficult and disrespectful towards me in front of our 9 year old daughter,
my daughter is now nasty towards me whenever I’m in her mother’s company with her.
she is picking up her mothers negativity towards me and behaving in the same way.
Ive not been with her mother for 8 years but she still tries to hurt me whenever possible and does it in front of our daughter as that’s the only time I see her.
ive had years of mental abuse by this woman who enjoys hurting me whenever and however she can
It’s hard when the negativity spills over onto your daughter. Maybe consider a calm talk with her, letting her know it’s not okay to take on that behavior, and possibly think about professional guidance for both of you to work through these feelings.
hi, sorry to hear this. Is there a court order in place or you have informal arrangement for seeing child?
many dads are rarely in their ex partners presence, picking up children from school, and dropping to school. it works well.
Hi ckw, I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing. It can really hurt if our child says something nasty or mean to us. As tricky as it may be, keep working at being as calm and as civil as you are able when you are with your daughter and her Mum together. Consistent modelling of this type behaviour is important and your daughter will notice. In the times when you are alone with your daughter, try to put any hurt aside, and focus on enjoying the time together. Again, model positive communication. If your daughter speaks harshly to you in this setting, you can tell her how it makes you feel eg 'I feel sad when I am spoken to like that, please try to speak to me kindly'. It may be helpful to ask yourself 'why' your daughter might be behaving in this way. Even if it's a combination of things (eg seeing unkind behaviour modelled by other adults, hormones changing, feeling unsettled and anxious about transitions between time with you and time with her Mum, not fully understanding or feeling able to express how she is feeling etc) it can help us look at things a little more objectively. In your time together, look for opportunities to do things which you both enjoy doing, look for opportunities to encourage your daughter and 'catch her being kind'. If she says something kind to you, take a moment to thank her and tell her how much that means to you.
In a spare moment, you might find the following online resource helpful Parenting After Separation course | Separated parents course as well as the various articles / blogs on Dad.info.
You clearly love your daughter. Keep on telling her so, and know that you are able to have a really positive influence on her as she grows up
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