Hi everyone. I am new to the forum as of today, and hope to get some help/advice from everyone here.
I currently live with my wife of 4 years, and I have a son from a previous relationship (the mother and I were not married). His mother has harassed and abused (verbally and through threats of court etc.) My wife and I out of my son's life. The mother currently has 100% custody because I thought that stepping away and giving here everything would stop the threats and harassment. It has not. I now have every reason to believe she is convincing my son that my wife and I have abandoned him, and that she is his savior. She has always treated my wife and I as if we are just babysitters and she is the true parent.
I want to try and talk to him about this, but wouldn't know what to say in order to not offend him by speaking negatively about his mother. Any advice from some seasoned fathers out there?
Thanks everyone.
Could you invite him to a football match or to join you on holiday?
Hi, you haven't said how old your son is, but irrespective of that, the stance you mention of being neutral regarding his mother and not encouraging him to take sides, is a good idea. Thinking about it all from your son's perspective is the most beneficial thing for him as he is the one in the position of being stuck in the middle.
By being there for him you will show him the kind of father and person you are, whether its actually spending time together just chilling or doing things or whether its keeping in touch by calling and messaging. Showing an openness and willingness to talk and listen if he wishes too, but otherwise simply building a relationship based on trust and love - will show your son that you are a caring loving parent and he will be able to make up his own opinion as he grows up.
Spurgeons Parent Support + parent of 3