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Hello
It’s been a long while since I’ve posted on here, I’ve found it very helpful in the past
Long story short- I have indirect contact only with my three children. It’s been almost 5 years since I saw all but one of them, and after going through the courts I came away with indirect contact last year by means of sending a card/gift twice a year.
My children are 13,11 and 5, and I have been sending things via post. ( cards, a letter and vouchers)
There is no contact from that side, and no contact with other family members etc either side.
My middle son has severe difficulties and he is in the care of the authorities and is in a residential setting . Going forward it may be possible to build a relationship into direct contact. I currently send cards and gifts to his social worker who gives them to him
The other two I send it to the mother’s address.
Anyway, it’s a difficult one as I’m just not sure what to do as in it’s hard to buy anything without knowing what they want etc, and it’s also hard putting money/vouchers in a card especially if you don’t even know if they will receive them? My ex cut off contact with my family, she’s got married etc - can I really trust her to hand over any gifts to the kids?
I just wondered what other people do in a similar situation when you don’t have any correspondence ? Do I put money aside for when they are older and I can give it to them directly?
I have to send something in regards to a card letter etc to keep to what’s agreed in the order
Any advice would be appreciated
5 year old you could just buy toys as normal and you can get ideas by googling as well. Being so young they will be happy with whatever you pick. With your oldest one the age he is and you not wanting to send cash , you could go with a gift voucher for a sports shop perhaps or one for somewhere else. It would be helpful if you knew what his interests were
I know quite a few people in this position send something small and then put some money in an account for when the children are older. Best of both worlds?
It is not so difficult to please a child, but with some effort you can make a really important and memorable gift. Very often, a child's best friends are soft toys, so this could become a very important and memorable gift for the younger one
I gave my daughter a phone and message her directly on it, I engage through games and apps however it is difficult if your youngest is 5.
Really feel for you but keep persevering! Your children will appreciate your efforts eventually
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