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I currently have a little boy aged 7 years old. He is 8 in June.
I split with his mum who is my ex wife in 2018 and we divorced 2 years later. She is now with someone else and has another 2 children and I am with someone else and remarried last year
Since splitting up clearly my little boy was a young age and over a 10 day period I have had him 4 days and his mum has had him 6. So it was on a 60/40 basis. As I was 40% of the time and she was 60% of the time then I have paid around £300 a month in Child maintenance.
I have always wanted to have an equal share but as he was younger I guess it was fair that he was with his mum more, and it just something I did nothing about and now regret it. Now he is older for about a year he has said he wanted to spend more time with me and my wife who has got an amazing relationship with.
His mum actually acknowledged this at the end of least year and we said we would speak in the new year. The only way I could see was to do 50 x 50 and we each have him 5 days each.
Basically, she has refused 5 and 5 but suggested 7 and 7. Once I agreed to 7 and 7 (which she clearly didn’t think I would accept) she now wont do 7 and 7.
Her reasons for him not spending equal time with us both are very mixed. First of all it was because she didn’t want him spending time with my wife, (even though he spends 4 days with us anyway), then it was that he will miss his younger brother and sister who are 2 and 3 amongst other reasons such as she doesn’t see why it needs to change as its worked for so long.
She keeps going on about the fact that the reason im doing this is to save £300 a month, which yes would be nice, however im used to paying that and my intentions are to have an equal share with my son, especially when he wants it. In all the conversations that I have recorded I have not mentioned CSA once.
Long story short, she wont budge, so I offered to do mediation. She has refused that. I got a solicitor involved and they wrote her a letter and she’s refused to respond.
She has failed again to take an interest in mediation.
Due to this it looks like ill have to make an application to court.
What frustrates me is that I have to go through this process, when in the last 2 years her and her partner have had domestic issues and both got arrested for affray (not convicted) and my son ended up on a child in need plan.
Has anyone been successful in increasing from 40/60 to 50/50 as the solicitor seems confident but again its down to the court and to prove why its need when its been the same for years.
All I want is EQUAL share with my son.
hi,
if you apply to court and it seems that what are asking for will be 1 or 2 extra days, it will seem very trivial and they may not be interested in making any changes, and state that your contact is already of good quality. It is also a myth that a dad is entitled to 50/50 with those courts. It's not how the system works.
if your having half of school holidays with child already, then I would not take court route now. I think better that you wait till he is older, about 10/11 years age. then atleast his wishes and feelings will carry more weight and court will act on them.
@dadmod2 sorry but when im getting 20% less time with him then I dont see that as trivial. You only live once and im a good parent, if it was the other way around there would be something to complain about she would not be happy with it
@jaypwfd yes I understand your position. childhood is precious time for parents. you can still try seek more time with kids, through courts if thats last resort. hopefully it goes well for you. let us know how you get on.
If you need guidance on making a court application there are useful booklets on the advicenow.org.uk website. You could also contact dads unlimited. They have legal people who will advise you
Time matters. I would go to Court. If in Court you offer to continue the same child maintenance rate, that might come across well. You could maybe reduce the rate after a year, or think it’s worth the cost.
@timozee in UK contact and finances are too separate issues. if a dad says he wants 50/50 to get out of paying child maintenance, that would look terrible on dad.
@dadmod2 hi, yes sure it would look bad to give money as a reason in Court. However contact, as in nights per year, is directly linked to the amount of child maintenance payable. I’m in the UK; I went to Court 3 times. I was happy with the result: 35% of time increaing to 50%, but the mother just got ignored the Court Orders, which is may be an outcome worth weighing against going to Court @jaypwfd. Good luck.
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