[Solved] giving up on my daughter

hi all, im new here. so nice to meet you all
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heads up this may be a little long.

so for some background around 10 years ago I went out with the boys for a pub crawl for my birthday and in typical British fashion got absolutely [censored] face and black out drunk. After the pubs had closed we went back to a friends place (was a halfway house sort of thing with shared kitchen etc).
My memories of this night are still not very clear and most of what I'm saying is from accounts given by my friends that night.
Like I've said I was in quite a drunken mess, I do not remember leaving the last pub or getting back to my friend place.
I've been told that there were some other residents in the communal garden at around 1AM and I stumbled down to the kitchen to get a drink. According to my friends they then didn't see me until the following day and I have no memory of what had happened.
roll on the next few days and I get a call from a good friend (lets call him rob) he informs me that I had phoned him at around 4am the night of the pub crawl and told him that I had had "shagged some bird". this came as a surprise to me as I still had no memory of this. Turns out the girl (lets call her jess) that I had slept with was a friend of one of his friends (Amanda) and she had been telling people I had slept with her.
fast forward a couple of month and rob informs me that he had spoken to Amanda and jess was pregnant. at the time I was around 21 years old and had no interest in being a dad at all, I made this clear to jess and told her I didn't want anything to do with her and my advice would be to get a termination or raise the child on her own. I then deleted my social Media accounts and continued with my life.I would just like to add here that after some digging we had found out that I was 1 of 3 possible dads to my daughter and her mother didn't actually know who the father was. she had let another man believe he was the father at the beginning of my daughters life, and this went on for aproxx 18 months until he also did a paternity test.
when my daughter was around 4 years old I receive a letter from the CSA claiming I was the dad and I owed quite substantial arrears. being young and dumb I didn't believe they could do anything so the later went in the bin and was forgotten about. A couple of month later when I received my wages from work a substantial amount was missing. as you can guess an attachment of earnings order was made and deductions had started, this left me in a really bad financial situation and had a big effect on my mental health, so I lost my job.
Roll on a few more months and I found new employment doing something I loved with great pay, as you can guess the CSA caught up with me and it all went tits up like the previous job. I didn't quit this time, but attempted suicide and failed. It was at this point that my family stepped in to help out and try to sort my mess of a life out. my sister contacted jess and informed her of what had happened but she didn't really care and kept saying that she just wanted a Dad for her daughter, (all she really wanted was money). At this time I was undergoing treatment for my mental health problems and my sister was taking the lead on dealing with jess. After a week or so I agreed that I would step up and try my best at being a dad to my daughter.

Within a few weeks of my suicide attempt I had arranged to meet my daughter at her mums house just to have a sit down and a chat for a few hours and introduce myself to my daughter and try and start building a bond, these meetings happened twice a week for around a month, then jess gave the ok for me to take her for days out on my own and for her to sleep over whenever she wanted too.
Over the next 3-4 years we had regular contact and grew a really strong bond (this was really hard) . This is when things started going south, as soon as my daughter started asking to see me more often mum took a disliking to the whole situation. she would start booking days out and holidays on the days that my daughter was scheduled to be with me and my partner, this would sometimes lead to not seeing my daughter for up to 5 weeks at a time. but I never let her down when I could see her.
It became apparent quit quickly that jess was not a very good mother and was in fact taking my time with my daughter away and dumping her with friend and family and not actually spending any time with her. she never did anything educational, never did her home work, "forgot" all her school project, all these things would be dumped me at a days notice so most of the little time I had with my daughter was spent catching up on homework and doing school projects, I really didn't mind this but It didn't allow much time for fun stuff.
Then 2 years ago I had a baby with my current partner of 10 years (Kim) , this is when the alienation really started. all plans that I had with my daughter would be cancelled last minute and every weekend jess would take her to do different things so she wouldn't want to spend time with me and our new daughter.
Me and Kim then decided to have another child who is now 9 months old, as you can prob guess the alienation just got worse, my eldest daughter didn't even meet her for the first time until she was 6 weeks old, and that was because it was xmas.
I then went down the legal route and took her through court to get a court paper so I could have a consistent relationship.. things went my way in court and I was granted every other weekend as well as every Wednesday and half of all school holidays. This was around 4 weeks before the county locked down due to covid , jess used the lockdown to her advantage and told me I couldn't see my daughter because she was classed as vunerable because of her Asthma, I excepted this at the time as she has been hospitalised with breathing problems multiple times throughout her life. this was all fair and good until my daughter tole me that her grandparents had been coming to see her throughout even tho they where not self isolating and carrying on as normal and she had also had school friends over to play. I was the only person who was not allowed to see her due to shielding.
this is really only a brief look at what i've been putting up with for the last 5 years or so, and ive had enough.
would also like to add that I do have some mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, jess knows of these issues and goes out of her way to trigger these whenever she can. Ive also recent been diagnosed with ADHD and am receiving treatment, which has honestly been life changing.
below are a couple more things that her mother has been doing for the last few years.
- reporting me for benefit fraud ( I own my own business ) and all my books/ earning are legit.
- lied about my visitation to get more money through CMS
- reported my family members for the same thing (they work for me)
-made multiple fake social media accounts and keeps an eye on everything we do.
- kept offering me extra time with my daughter when she knew it wasn't possible due to work ( I actually backed away from work to make more time, but when I went to court and asked for the extra time she said she was no longer offering that)
- told me once that now I have my own children I would no longer need to see my daughter at xmas as we "both have our own now so no need to share"
- bought her a phone against my wishes (she had an iPod at one point and was using it to manipulate us) she also bought this the 1 day that she stayed with me during the end of the lockdown, not when she couldn't see me for 4 months.
-and she is just a compulsive lier, i've caught her lying so many times.

im at the point now where I just want to walk away, its causing problems with my wife and making me unpleasant to be around, and the whole thing is making me not want to live any more.

If you got this far, thanks for reading, I know is a jumbled ranting mess but that's probably down to my new medication, and I just need to get all this off my chest.

Hi,

So you've been through court and there's an order in place?
I think lockdown has affected us all and we can only hope that everything goes back to normal soon... I guess if she's messing around your days and you're not spending enough consistent time with daughter then apply for enforcement? but maybe wait until she no longer has the excuse of lockdown? Now your daughter is older the court will look more at what she wants this time.
Sounds like your ex will always be a pain and not much you can do other than ignore it and make the time you get with your daughter quality time.
sorry it's not much help!