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Hi,
So last year I got myself into a new relationship after my ex broke up with me three years ago. It was a horrible three years, I didn't know what to do with myself, I slept around a lot after I broke up with my first ever girlfriend I had a kid with, I didn't know what to do with myself, I felt depressed, hopeless.
I stopped all of that, had a break and tried to find myself. I feel a lot stronger now, I keep everything as civil with my ex as I can, she's a [censored] yes, but I just "go with the flow" now. Child Maintenance don't help most of the time.. I have a debt which I can barely manage due to court fees etc...
Either way, getting back on topic. I found a new girlfriend. I think she's amazing mum to my step-son, she doesn't find it easy but she does love him, and likes to spend time with him. She has been nice to me, so arguments etc as such until this Sunday.
She's now pregnant with our daughter. She told me yesterday she does accept my son Kai but I don't think she does. She can't stand the mother, and doesn't want the mother getting in between us or getting involved with our daughter.
On Sunday, the reason I wrote this topic, I paid for everything in the morning Breakfast, and then lunch which cost me a bomb. I spent like £35 on my girlfriend and I have paid so much on stuff for our new girl.
In the afternoon, my girlfriend wanted a McDonald's so I took her there and asked if she can pay for hers and my sons. She turned around and she said she's NOT paying for Kai's McDonalds even though I was short on money.
She said it's The mother's job and I tried explaining to her that she's Kai's stepmother so should provide as well, it doesn't have to be a lot but even if it's only when I am short, it would be nice to know she cares for him as well but it got into an argument. What would you guys do in this situation?
She's making me feel like I need to pick between her and my son, do I pick her and have to deal with everything in regards to my son, paying for everything including my daughter with my girlfriend, or do I dump her as I don't want it do get later on down the line where my son feels left out.
Thanks.
hi,
I am hoping to re-marry. All I would expect from the woman is that she be's friendly with my kids and is able to get along with them. if she wants to care for them or treat them to food/toys then that would be up to her. i would not expect her to do those things. So if I were in your position I would just focus on looking after my child and not expect much from the partner.
From a woman’s point of view here that’s very harsh of her to be honest.
It’s a McDonald’s not a day trip to Thorpe park! I’m not a step mum well not yet anyway, concentrating on my kids for now but who knows in future and I have kids Of my own and they see their dad and I would be very upset if he found someone who couldn’t even spend a little amount on a McDonald’s and reacted like that.
My best friend had her husbands children every other weekend and half holidays etc she was a great and fair ‘step Mum’ and often took them to town to treat them to such things. She has her own daughter as well ., who is older now but when they stay they were all treated the same.
I wouldn’t hesitate to pay for step child’s McDonald’s, gosh even a friends child I would pay for McDonald if they were short of money, I’m not flush with cash myself.
You say everything else is ok and I hope it continues for you and she doesn’t change when your baby is born but that’s a slight red flag. Hopefully it was a one off and she just having a bad day.
Hi
Like Bill I think we all hope for the same. I'd also agree that my kids would be my responsibility and if my new partner wanted to support then that would be up to her. However I would want her to get on with them and have a relationship.
Re McDonald's, I guess it depends on the approach you took.. If I was skint and I often expect I would be then I wouldn't expect a new partner to pay for my kid however I would like to think she would pay for the meal and allow me to pay her back.
However I think you may not be looking at the bigger picture. Your girlfriend is pregnant. This naturally causes emotions and hormones to be all over the place. Maybe she said something she wouldn't normally say?
Or like most parents expecting a child she is thinking what life and the future is going to be like when child is born and struggling to piece everything together re your guys relationship, your son, your ex, and new child. Maybe she feels it wouldnt come together and so she said something in frustration and what she needs from you is reassurance about your thoughts and priorities.
Maybe she feels you are going to allow your ex to influence this relationship or put your son as more of a priority than your new child?
You ask whether you should dump her like its an easy thing to do, but then you will end up in a situation where you have 2 kids with different mothers trying to juggle it all.
Your situation isn't easy. However I think you need to look at how it is all going to piece together and maybe talk to your girlfriend, explain how you are feeling, give her reassurance so she can focus on the pregnancy and not worry about you, your son, having to choose and the future..
Some couples counselling maybe via relate could also be an option.
All the best..
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