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It's also worth noting that it's usually the lawyers that are knowledgeable and experienced with those terms. so if they want to present a strong case for their client, terms such as coercive control, financial abuse are brought up often. same were mentioned in my case. no evidence to back up those claims. courts weren't interested to look into it. was more or less ignored.
@bill337
thanks bill, I did think that to be honest, I did kind of feel the solicitors and adding to the fire. When it was mentioned I said to the judge, ( knowing there wasn’t ) I presume there is a police report of this abuse? The judge asked caffcass and the solicitors and they said no there isn’t. I just said - well that says it all then doesn’t it because given her background with her ex she would of called the police nothing got said after that, but all I read about coercive control is prison sentences and it’s not positive, from what I’ve read. But I’m not sure if that’s criminal proceedings, or family court which I think are both different.
@bill337 is you case all finished now then? Do you mind me asking how long it went on for? Was there a fact find?
@lava35 yes thankfully all over. was glad there was no fact finding. just section 7 report. lasted about 5-6 months.
@Lave35 Domestic violence and domestic abuse are used interchangeably.
What is domestic abuse?
We define domestic abuse as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence, in the majority of cases by a partner or ex-partner, but also by a family member or carer. It is very common. In the vast majority of cases it is experienced by women and is perpetrated by men.
Domestic abuse can include, but is not limited to, the following:
- Coercive control (a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence)
- Psychological and/or emotional abuse [2]
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Financial or economic abuse
- Harassment and stalking
- Online or digital abuse
thank you for sharing that. Everything and anything is controlling to my ex because she suffered DV by her ex ( NOT ME) so your be having a debate about it and she’s like you don’t get it you don’t get, or your have an argument and say she’s mad, next minute oh my god my ex used to call me that etc etc etc - I’m like god calm down will you. You literally can’t say anything to the woman and you 100 percent can’t control that woman she is stone cold and she’s the sort of person if she doesn’t want to do something she won’t. But she plays the victim card all too well and I got bored of it and used to tell her I’m fed up of her playing to victim to every little thing and then it always comes back to her past. I’d just go home I was always happier when I wasn’t with her compared to being with her and felt she was a real drain. I’m a lot happier now ( apart from trying desperately to meet my son ) but like she has said to the solicitor even me taking her to court is to be seen as controlling?!?!? I had several letters from the solicitor pleading to discuss arrangements she ignored so I was left with no alternative, what else was I meant to do.she needs to grow up! She’s going to come across a lot of problems in life if she can’t handle any form of criticism.
@lava35 My ex said exactly the same!. She literally said, "If you want to see your son, you have to take me to court". When I took her to court after trying for months to make an amicable arrangement, she claimed that I wanted to control her life. I am afraid you too are for the long run as your ex knows the system well as mine. In my case, I believe she has a found new father for my son and wants to play happy family and I am a nuisance. Of course, keeping the child maintenance payments.
i totally get where your coming from I really do. I mean personally I couldn’t care less if she’s with someone I’d be happy for her but she loves drama her whole life is drama she thrives off it can never live just a happy normal life never!
CMS is a funny one, never returned my solicitor letters only time I ever engaged to her in 18 months, next minute CMS calling me, you need to pay for your son. Yes no problems how much, I’ll pay. Money has been there ever since he was born. Point I’m making wouldn’t engage with my solicitor with regards to such a fair proposal of contact. But will pick the phone up to the CMS to make sure she gets her money.
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