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Morning all. I need some urgent advice please. My case so far. My ex was found guilty of DV against me in a 3 day fact finding hearing in January. I was given immediate access to my children by the judge. 7weeks after the hearing I took my ex back court for enforcement and the judge appointed a guardian . I saw my children in a contact centre (I requested it, to rebuild my childrens relationship with me after my ex stopped me seeing my children for 9 months). I had 2 sessions, and it was great. The third session my ex cancelled, the social worker, then made my ex agree to 3 x week facetime calls to my children. During the last five weeks I've emailed lots of concerns, to the social worker and the cafcass Guardian. I started to speak to the guardian about two weeks ago. At first she was very good, I've emailed her a recording last week when my daughter rang me very distressed. The guardian rang me and said she's got very serious concerns about my ex, and her behaviour. The guardian told me she has yet to speak to my ex, as she's ignored her calls and voicemails etc.. On Wednesday this week the guardian told me, shes made contact with my ex and will speak to her next day.at last I thought. The next day in the afternoon, I had a call from the Guardian, her attitude and tone COMPLETELY CHANGED to me. She said my ex denies all the facts found against her, and said it was an unfair hearing? The guardian went on and told me, that although she can't overrule the judges findings against my ex, she needs to look at the allegations of which the judge dismissed against me??? The guardian said, the children are all very distressed? My 11 year old daughter is really struggling, which I agreed. The guardian said she will ask the court for a global psychological assessment of the family. She then told me, that she will recommend that no face to face contact with the children for me until the assessment has been done???? I reminded the guardian there is a court order in place that I have immediate contact with my children, she said she knows all that, but because of my daughter struggling with her mental health, that's her recommendation. I told her that I'm being penalised. The court order states I am to have immediate contact with my children, and if the coronavirus hadn't hit the country, I would now be seeing my children in the community. It now seems that the guardian is siding with my ex. I've been communicating with the guardian, doing what's he's told me to do, rasing concerns to her etc. My daughter told me this week she found very pornagaraphic material on mum's phone, I reported this to the guardian and the social worker. Nothing has been done. The social worker told me this week, she will be recommending 50/50 shared care in the section 7 report. I now doubt that this will happen.. I can't understand why the guardian has completely done a 360 on me?? Any advice will be much appreciated please... Thanks guys...
What the Guardian is recommending is interim steps while they do an assessment.
It is not an unusual stance - the courts and process sometimes try to hold a "minimal risk" approach during the investigation and it is known for them to stop all contact while they ascertain the situation.
Nevertheless the harm the children get by not seeing their parent but I digress.
In many cases though it helps you, because it will demonstrate that whatever harm they find they've been exposed to probably has little to do with contact with you.
So play the long game.
if Cafcass are going to recommend 50/50 that is really good. Courts go with the Cafcass recommendation over 90% of the time.
The abuse claim findings are not known to be a huge influencer on contact arrangements - if they didn't involve the children at all.
When did the abuse against you occur?
You, are in danger of losing your cool though, I advise minimising flinging poo at your ex. Keep it focussed on how you're going to be a great father, how you love your child(ren). Whatever concerns you raise need to be really significant and need not appear petty. Digging around during whatever small amount of contact you have with your children to find mud to sling is not going to appear good.
And it is not good for your relationship with them anyway - keep it positive, have fun, and radiate fun. They'll pick up on this and reflect you, and they'll be better for it.
Sorry to hear you are having troubles again. You have dealt with this before and come out the other end, from what you have said, the courts have already exposed her lies, so try not to worry about that. I understand your concerns about your kids, but hopefully social services/CAFCASS will act on this and sort it out for you.
Just stay calm for now, it will be over much sooner than the last time you went through this, focus on the kids, and you will see them again soon.
hi devo,
its good to hear from you again. please hang in there mate. maybe the reason why theres some emotional/mental health issues with the kids, is due to their mum obstructing them from seeing you. try have some patience and this will all be sorted out. also, a lot of us dads are not seeing our kids now due to covid19 excuse. it is what it is.
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