[Solved] Contact centre

hi,

is it possible he could see child somewhere like a local coffee shop or a library/shopping centre, with you being present in the building or close by?

you could speak to social services about it. i have a feeling they would tell you to take it back to court.

Hi

What is the reason that he is refusing to complete DVPP?

Considering the passage of time do you need him to complete it or is this based on advice from Cafcass?

Are there other courses such as Parenting Skills that would make any difference as to whether you allow contact?

Are there any mutual friends who could facilitate contact or any other third party? Someone you trust?

What does indirect contact look like? Is it video via Skype and could this be increased?

My own course has been suspended due to Covid, I do a video call with my 3 kids 3 to 4 times per week and they are for 1 hour to 4 hours each time. Via Skype and they are recorded so my ex is reassured...

My mother also speaks to my ex's mother and between them they arrange contact in that they are happy for my mother to pick up the kids (no overnight) and supervise contact. It means we can go out and do things but my mother has to be there at all times.. My mother takes this role seriously as she doesn't want the kids to stop seeing me or her. Plus no one wants the situation to impact the kids mental or physical health.

Hope this helps..

Also, do you believe he is a risk to your son? If not (and you have to be sure) you can bypass the requirement to do DVPP and allow him to see son unsupervised but at a location/conditions that you agree etc. I'm not saying you should as considering the circumstances it may be best for him to do it but you are probably best placed to make this judgement.

If your child loves his dad. Why not compromise with your childs dad by getting him to do a parenting course instead. Also you could arrange mediation and say you are open to suggestions by mediator how he suggests you could minimise risk as you are anxious etc.

I think everyone knows a friend or a person that wont do a DVPP course and 9/10 they will just not budge or change their mind . If your child enjoys time with dad then i think maybe its time to explore another way. schools are a good place for father to pick child up and meeting outside a supermarket/public place is a good place to do a handover unless you know someone that could that for you

Hi

Thank you all for your replies I'm very grateful

So here goes I can't supervise the contact myself social services are worried that me and him might argue at handover in public and someone ring the police so they won't allow me to do it they did however try very hard to find a third party but he just argued over the arrangements so they gave up

My ex doesn't feel he has issues but he has and its been proven time after time but he just doesn't accept he doesn't feel he's suitable for a dvpp even though he admitted assaulting me in court

I don't think he would hurt my child but there is a worry that my child might be exposed to domestic violence so he's banned from having girlfriends and ex girlfriends at contact including the contact centre

He's has had some indirect contact but doesn't want to do it often and doesn't talk for long he's just bothered about physical contact

I feel unless he comes up with a suitable third party he's not going to get the contact out of the contact centre unless he does the dvpp

I'm thinking against talking to social services and going straight to court would it be best if I put a variation order in or leave it to him to do? My child hates the contact centre and would love to see father away from there

I'm beginning to wonder if he's looking to put a enforcement order in has he got grounds? he hasnt seen our child for 6 months but that's not my doing and I have allowed indirect contact and he's knows has soon has the centre opens he can go I've resured him but he's acting like it's me that's preventing the contact and not because of the virus

Hi

In my own situation (I've agreed to do course but its not running due to Covid) no court, Social Worker or Cafcass will agree to any contact Direct (supervised or unsupervised) or Indirect until I've done the course especially if my ex says no.

However after my ex has spoken to her own mother (who has spoken to mine) my ex has decided to take a more pragmatic view of the situation and contact. Plus she knows just how strong a relationship the kids have with me.

My ex has decided not to just toe the line from her solicitor (plus SS) to prevent contact and that my kids could be at risk and instead make her own decisions based on her own knowledge, wishes of the kids and put in her own conditions. Ultimately I guess my ex has decided that if she doesnt allow the kids to see me then she will have a different issues to deal with. Issues that could become more significant than the current perceived risk that I may or may not be. Such as childs physical and mental health being impacted, falling behind at school due to a lack of focus, becoming withdrawn and not engaging in social activities or with their friends. All of these issues can cause significant long term, life time issues for children when separated from a parent or a loved one. My ex has decided to better deal with the situation that she knows of now than to have to deal with complex mental health issues in children requiring therapy etc including impact on education aswell etc..

I'm not too sure why you would be taking the matter back to court, the matter is in your exes hands to progress. I cannot see any grounds that he can enforce as the CC are closed, youve tried indirect contact but more importantly he has refused to do the course and therefore he will not succeed and no court would take the risk of giving him any unsupervised contact until he has done the course. The guidance from the family courts at the moment is that if contact cannot happen then indirect contact should be encouraged and increased.

I wouldnt worry about him blaming you, this is to be expected.

However from your message, id ask if there is anything more that you can do. You said that SS have tried to find third parties and won't allow you to do handover, however they cannot stop you doing the handover (as long as you deem it safe which is key) or you could arrange a third party if there is someone available.

When you say there is a worry your child might be exposed to DV is this your view or a view you share with SS or just their view that they have advised you of?

In relation to the DVPP, have you looked up the course and its contents and is it something you want him to do before he can see son unsupervised or something SS have advised?

My ex has been advised all the same as you, however whilst I dont have unsupervised contact I do lots of video calls and get supported contact with my mum.

I'm a huge advocate of video calls and if your ex won't take up this option then I cannot see an easy way forward and you may just have to leave it with him to move things along. However it also sounds like you are torn and seeing the impact on your son hence I have out forward some of my suggestions. Sometimes as the parent you have to make the decisions regardless of what SS say as long as you have considered the risks, mitigated and feel confident that you and your son are and will be safe.

Best of luck.

it sounds like your ex is being stubborn and unreasonable. if he won't agree to SS using 3rd party for supervised visits, what more can be done, other than wait for contact centres to re-open, and him doing his DV course.

are you on good terms with anyone on his families side that you trust? would they be willing to supervise contact, and you think your ex will agree?

Thank you for your responses greatly appreciated

Unfortunately both me and my ex haven't got many family members and at the moment we are both in a 3 tier my ex has suggested seeing our child at the park he seems to think that because the contact centre is closed that it gives him the right for unsupervised contact which I've refused so I don't really know what to do digit contact isn't working my child isn't interested in it they are getting less bothered by the day its not that they don't care about dad its just its been over 6 months now since they last saw him and they don't feel they can bond with him it's sad but don't know how I can change it when my ex won't do what he's asked to do

Contact centres being closed does not give him the right to unsupervised contact or any other contact.

Unfortunately until the Covid situation changes there is very little you can do.

One thing I would suggest is to keep reassuring the kids, that they can bond with father and that in time things will improve and get better. Maybe encourage them to write to him and post it or email him. At the very least this will reduce the long term harm and impact of potentially not having a parent in their lives.

All the best.

How old is your child ? I think a parenting course or a similar course may help. If your child wants to see their dad maybe mediation would help. You could write your ex a polite email to see if he would agree to certain things. cant social services do a child in need plan where they can outline to father that he does certain things whilst having unsupervised contact. So if he stepped out of line badly contact would just stop.