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I needed to post as I’ve used this forum to read others help guides etc.
I’m hoping to have my CMS closed in the next few weeks but the struggle I have with them as been suicidal.
I have genuine court ordered 50/50 equal care. I have records for schools, medical and all costs equal. The only thing I didn’t have was benefits - ex always had the benefits for 2 children from birth and my income meant I couldn’t claim any £ so why would I take something in spite.
CMS still ordered payments and I thought I could provide evidence to support that I didn’t need to pay due to all the clauses they write on their guides.
CMS have zero interest, they gave me a change and reduced my 2 children to 1 child. I was never going to claim CMS from my ex for the other.
I should have gone for the benefits for 1 - I hear if you make it complicated they do consider a close but I’m not doing that.
I wrote them letters, I called them, I went through complaints, I went to DWP, I pushed for tribunal - they just ignored the lot.
I wrote a direct email to their director, I didn’t get a response. I did everything imaginable to not pay CMS whilst I look after my children just as much as my ex, they expected me to pay 450£ p month + costs including paying nursery etc for my youngest.
Name it I’ve done it, I’ve got that many rejections on the changes I’ve made to my case to delay having to pay. Expenses, changing salary, manual recalculations, extra kids added, kids that didn’t even belong to me added. Anything to find a loop hole to slow the thing whilst I fought.
i literally gave up.. They will not take any notice of evidence or find a simple reason to reject.
So what did I do to close it.. I basically legally blackmailed my ex - she wanted a holiday and asked me to look after the kids for an extra week so she could have 2 weeks holiday with her BF. I shot my shot.. Agreed on the basis you call CMS and shut it down.
Problem is I’m now on collect and pay so had to ask her to waiver arrears for payments. This time another family holiday to take the kids but would have been on my time so needed permission. She called and told them she didn’t want the arrears.
Am I proud of using my kids - absolutely not. Would I do it again 100%.. The CMS is a literal killer. I sympathise with anyone fighting the system. I don’t agree with dads not paying when they don’t show up.
For those dads that do and still have this fight honestly it’s the most frustrating nightmare.
still the CMS have said it will take 4-8 weeks to close the case so will deduct from my wage and refund me. Sure they will. I don’t believe it’s over, I don’t think it will ever be over. Sorry no real advice to give but I just hope who ever needs to hear this keep the fight going and find a way at all costs.
You are definitely not alone and I don't think you're out of the woods either because the ex phoning up to tell the CMS she waives the arrears probably won't be enough. I'm an Admin for a CMS FB group and it's littered with posts from unhappy PPs whose exes have told the CMS to waive the arrears and close the case but payments are still being taken for the arrears via DEO.
My advice would be to ask her to back up her request with a letter to the portal, ideally handwritten and signed. It needs to include her details and case ref and explicitly request the arrears are waived and DEO cancelled (that can take 3 months on top of the case closure to be aware).
If she's on the level you can ask she return any payments she receives until everything's squared away in exchange for ABC, etc.
Hope this helps and FWIW, I used exactly the same tactics about holidays, etc when she refused my Partner to have any contact with the kids when we met up. Its karma.
Cheers,
Jon
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