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Hello there,
I have recently applied for a court order as my ex-wife sent me a solicitors letter stating that our 5 year informal agreement was changing, I usually have my 3 children aged 9,9 & 5 every other Thursday where I pick them up from my ex-wife’s home and take them to school on Friday morning and then on alternate weeks I have them Thursday where I again, pick them up from my ex-wife’s property until I return them Sunday evening at 6.30pm to my ex-wife’s property.
In the solicitor’s letter, which was received without any warning, proposing to change the visitation to Wednesday after school until Friday drop up at school every week, so I get no weekends at all and she proposing this is all year round, only changed if a holiday is agreed by both parties - basically doing what she pleases.
My question is what happens when I don't pick my children up this afternoon (as it's a Wednesday) and the proposed new schedule is supposed to start this week, I am anxious they will be distressed - I have told both my ex-wife and her solicitor that I do not agree to the proposal and will attempt to collect the children as usual Thursday morning. I had a message back from my ex-wife stating that if "any attempts to ignore or override these arrangements will be documented and if necessary, reported to the police" I am extremely anxious at the thought of turning up tomorrow and being denied access and the police being called. I have never deviated from the agreement before, missed a CMS payment and have a lot of evidence showing that I continually have tried to help with her work arrangements etc, she refuses to speak to me and has done for the last 1.5 years, agreeing to speak to my partner instead - this had been working incredibly well until I received the solicitor’s email.
She called the police on me 2 years ago as I found content on the children's iPads that was not suitable for them and confronted her about this and asked her to sign out of the device and a few month later I saw on the iPad messaging system that she had married her new partner whilst the children were in my care without telling them, I told the children their mother had remarried as I felt that gaining a stepfather over a weekend was quite a big change for them and I believe they should have been told prior to the event. I had not looked for this information as it came up on the home screen, the iPads were shared between the 2 homes and I had paid half towards them - she continually references that she has been told by the police to not speak to me, even though she does when she feels fit face to face and even the the police officer I spoke to said it was not a police matter and he believed I had acted in the children's best interests.
I have also invited her to 2 separate MIAM sessions, one when she refused to speak to me and called the police and one after receiving the recent solicitor letter, both of which she has declined in writing to the mediator.
I want to make sure I am doing what I should and what to do regarding the access as it stands now.
Thank you
hi, if mediator has given you paperwork that miam was attempted, then you can go ahead and apply to court. seems like thats your only option as her changes are unreasonable. I can guide you through process if you need support. sending you private message.
I think to keep the piece, better to go along with her proposal for now but make it clear that it's being forcee on you and you don't agree.
@dadmod2 Awaiting moderation
Thank you for your reply - I have sought some legal advice, but I don't plan on hiring a solicitor for financial reasons as well as the fact I am happy to represent myself as I have never deviated from the agreement and been very amenable.
I was told to stick to my original agreement by a solicitor and to document any refusal of access, or to pick them up from school instead.
Thanks!
@jezsoutheast23, I am sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing and I hope you are able to reach an agreement regarding arrangements for the children. In the meantime, try not to let concerns or frustration about possible changes detract from your focus on the children when you are with them. From what you have shared, you are clearly committed to spending time with them. I would encourage you to continue using whatever time you do have together to be really in the moment with them, and just be Dad. Enjoy doing things together with them which they want to do. It does not have to be complicated or expensive. Look for opportunities to tell them how much you love them, to listen to them and to encourage them. And put the phone away! You may well be doing this already, but sometimes its good to remind ourselves to keep going and not let other challenges get in the way of precious time with our children. I hope that you find a way forwards, and wish you all the best as you continue to do the best you can for your children.
You might be able to obtain legal advice from dads unlimited. There are helpful guides on the advicenow.org.uk website
Hi, could anyone advise please what questions/evidence can be presented/asked on final court hearing.
Got a final hearing next month. Being now I think 12th court hearing regarding child arrangement,
In short story is, not named as a father st birth certificateat the begging, saw him once after 6 weeks I said that I would like to do a DNA tests, stopped from any information regarding my son for months straightaway, blocked everwhere, I have been trying to contact her every day but no tespond at all. No visits, applied for PR, done dna tests, got PR finally, saw him for 10 months, starting from 1 hour a weekend to few hours, driving 130miles one way just to see him, stopped again just because we had an argument. I've been 2 times stopped from seeing my son just because mum decided to, she applied for non molestation order but has been rejected 3 times, got ICFA sessions, that went well, moved to supported visits and now because of her behaviour in contact centre, my sessions are suspended. All mother want is money, saying that I have been stopped from see my son by mother for no reason but she is saying in the court that she has no problems for me to see our son. She has another child where is no father at all and I assume there is similar story to mine but father just gave up. Any advise, support or help would me much appreciated. Thanks
@mrpositive hi, what contact recommendations did cafcass or local social services make?
Thank you for your respond.
Cafcass recommended at the beginning ICFA contact sessions, that were then moved to supported contacts in the contact centre. I had few sessions, that went good. Cafcass officer attend to one of the sessions, made a positive report. Then we had a court hearing where order has been made for parents to use parenting app for the communication. Straight from the begging there was an issue to get any information related to my son from her side. I have asked mother about our son daily routine such as meal times, nap time, ehat sort of the meals is he eatingz so obviously I can be prepared for the sessions fully, and metion about the routine in the court hearing even, where mother just loudly laughed saying it make her laughing and this is absurd. When asked at the app before last session, mother replied that she is not requested to give such a informations and not legally obligated to do so. My son arrived at the session tired and moody. I have asked volunteer to ask mother what time did he eat last time but instead of getting answer, volunteer come back to me after conversation with mother, hand shaken and stressed, saying that mother is angry on me as I came for the session not prepared and angry on her(volunteer) and there is a lot that need to be discussed with me at the end of the session. My son fell of sleep on my shoulder and once he woke up, has been taken from to mother. My sessions are now suspended due to mother behaviour.
Recommendations from cafcass are than I should have 6 sessions at the contact centre, then move to out of contact centre sessions, starting from 2 hours every week and raising each month for 1 hour, up to 5 hours and then taking my son for the day, moving to weekends but they cannot say the time frame.
Handovers should be made in community or public places as the contact centre is only open on Saturdays for few hours. Mother applied for non molestation order but that was rejected 3 times due to no evidence whatsoever, especially I have had done nothing wrong and I was always supportive to her.
All she cares is money, nothing else. She has got another child, where I assume, my case had to be similar bur dad just gave up and the other child is without father.
I will never give up on my son and will fight till end as every child deserves and need both parents in the life. My son is just over 3 years old, since his been born I have seen him maybe 12 months for few hours every weekend, or every other weekend.
I would much appreciate any advise/help to get me prepared for the final court hearing.
Thank you
@mrpositive ok, I suggest you rely on the cafcass recommendations and tell court how Mother disrupting the progress of contact and mention in your statement also. you can propose overnight stays to start once child starts nursery? will you be self representing at final hearing?
@dadmod2
Yes I do represent my self as the prices for barrister are ridiculous.
I will mention about it for sure in court and statement. I'm thinking to propose every weekend at my place ( I know it may ne hard to get every weekend ) and for hours during the week. Handover place to be chosen by mother. I live 5 min away from my son but she has applied for non molestation order, that has been rejected but I'm not allowed to go to his home even to pick him up as she doesn't want it and it is breach of peace as the police stated, and I can be arrested if she report it to the police. I have agreed for the undertaking in the court as I was told if I don't it will make the court case going on and on and it will make only longer to get the final order. I'm not interested about mother at all after what she did to my child and my self. Sleepless nights, sea of tears etc. All I care that I want to be active father in my son life.
Any idea maybe what questions or evidence I can present/ask in the court?
Thank you a lot for any advice
@mrpositive please look out for a private message I am sending...
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