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sorry....
I have a 9 year old son, I have been separated from his mother for six years now and in this time we have not had an official arrangement as such, it’s always been done on a week by week basis which at the beginning was okay for me, however as time has gone on and circumstances have changed with work I need something more permanent... i’ve tried to talk to her about this but she’s not interested I have also done two mediation sessions which she has failed to attend so I don’t see any other option but to proceed with court.
this is my last option so thought I would ask for some advice here, to paint the picture she does shiftwork and I get a shift rotor three months in advance however it never follows pattern they change every single week not three days go by without some kind of change and I’m absolutely sick of it.
I can’t make arrangements be it business or personal at all.
The last three weeks plans have changed more than 15 times and when I raise it with her she just tells me to like it or lump it. My life is controlled by my ex of six years and I really am at the end of this I can’t take any more of it. My relationship broke down because of it but my son is absolutely my number one priority and always will be however this is really not fair on me and my future plans.
She plays the victim in everything and gets away with murder which is ironic considering she was unfaithful in our relationship yet I’m always the punch bag.
She lies compulsively For example claims to be on a night shift, told me this so she can go out to drink.
It just continues over and over.
To summarise I just need structure and routine am I asking too much ?
hi,
with your shift patterns it will be almost impossible to stick to a court order that gives you fixed arrangements. when i was in court, i told them i am having trouble finding a new job, and even lost a job because they didn't like me doing school runs. court said I can find a job that is more flexible. now i have gone for complete career change and seeking flexible self-employed work.
if you want to keep your shift work, then court will most likely expect both of you to be reasonable and flexible, make adjustments all the time. sounds like it will be very difficult because the way your ex is.
Hi
Thank you for the reply, to reiterate I’m not the One who does shiftwork this is my ex, I can work anywhere any time my job allows me to do this... however she knows this and takes full advantage of it, what I need is routine from her that is genuine and not all changed and lied about every couple of days to benefit her.
I can work anywhere in the world at any time, so it’s always me being flexible to accommodate her lifestyle.
Do you think by going to court I’m making the wrong move ?
hi,
good thing about court is they will give arrangement like you have the kids every other weekend, fri- sun evening. or if your works very flexible you could do more like fri - mon, dropping child to school in morning. whatever works for you. can also do mid-week overnights, have half of school holidays. you could ask court if you could have child every weekend, if ex is not available because of her shift work.
i went to court because i was only allowed to see kids every saturday, but not allowed to keep them overnight. also the times kept reducing from week-week and it got very annoying.
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