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Hi, I feel a bit weak writing this but I am considering separating from my partner and mum to my child, aged 3.
my partner has never bonded with our daughter and there are multiple instances where she has verbally abused her. Beyond anything “normal” she calls her names, swears at her and it’s clear she cannot cope with the way she feels.
I have spoken with a lawyer who says I would have a strong case for full custody, because of the abuse. But reading lots of experiences from men about the system, it feels like the most final step to put an order in to remove my child from her own mum.
I have proof, texts that say she hates being a mum etc. I just worry about leaving her alone with her and if we separate.
anyone been through similar and come out the other side?
Sorry to hear about your experience Lenn89, I know that can't be easy to live with.
NAL but you may well have a strong case. Just carefully consider if that is the route you want to go down, as it can be a long and arduous process. Counter allegations may come up about you, true or not - they will be investigated. Generally speaking, the process may not feel balanced (very mum-sided) and maintaining your temperament throughout is crucial. The professionals who may be involved will care less about you as parents and more about the wellbeing and best interests of your child.
In my opinion, it is a good thing you have evidence but do remember context is important. It is possible (probably even likely) that a text saying your partner hates being a mum could be seen as an honest cry for help rather than her being a neglectful or even abusive parent. w
My own process with the Family Court system lasted for 8 years and I have been blessed to end with full custody but that is after 30+ hearings, 15+ local authority/CAFCASS reports, 4+ police investigations (will provide a fuller update in a separate post in due course). There are clearly some good outcomes for dads, but again that process can often take time (my child is now 9), money and the biggest reserve of emotional/mental energy.
Anyway wishing the best of outcomes for your and your child.
CD
Could she be suffering from post natal depression? It might be an idea for her to see her doctor to see whether there are any underlying issues. If you do decide to separate then try mediation first. Its quicker and cheaper than the court process
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