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My kid asked me why I hadn't arranged to see them. When I explained that I had emailed their mum but not heard back, their mum claimed that I had not emailed (even though she had replied to the email, but ignored the part requesting contact). My kid wants a copy of the email, but obviously I don't want them to give them a copy and get them too involved in adult issues.
How do I deal with this without being negative about their mum or making me look like a liar? :dry:
you could tell your kids that your still waiting to hear back from their mum. is email the only way you contact your ex? the last time something like that happened with me, i just messaged ex and told her not to be silly and not get kids involved like that.
My ex and I only email. The issue is that my kid wanted to see me for a special occasion which has now passed, so saying I’m waiting to hear back won’t work.
My ex has told my kid that I didn’t email, even though I know she received the email as she replied to part of it (but not the request for contact).
My kids keeps hassling me for a copy of the email I sent to prove that I’m not lying, but I obviously don’t want to get them involved.
Emailing my ex isn’t going to resolve anything as she will not listen to reason.
I just don’t know how to resolve it with my kid without being the bad guy.
how old are your kids?
I think it's important that they know the truth, but not getting them involved as you mention. you could tell them you did email but maybe she forgot about it or didn't read it. leave it at that.
some advice here:
https://www.ourfamilywizard.co.uk/blog/dealing-badmouthing-co-parent
Your ex is gaslighting you. She knows what she's doing - so you've got to read the subtext - her not reply = her rejecting, she's just a coward for not wanting to put it into words in writing.
You should never expose the kids to this behaviour, or to these quarries.
Next time, just tell them "we both have to agree to do x, so I'll see about that and see if we can agree".
If you agree great, if you don't:
"I really wanted to do x but we couldn't agree on how".
And that is it, don't go into detail.
one time i was watching tv with kids. they saw a police officer. daughter said: "mummy said you called the police to our house". lol, don't think i even responded or said I can't remember, and we just carried on watching tv.
My ex has now asked for copies of the emails as she is claiming that she hadn't received them! She has defo received them, as she even replied to one but ignored the request for the special occasion.
I am reluctant to send copies as it's not going to resolve anything (it always ends up in an argument). Would you ignore, send copies or remind her to look at previous emails?
easiest thing to do is say I could send you emails etc to show you I did send them. You more than likely still have them though yourself.
Moving forward how about we put it down to a misunderstanding and organise when I can see our children next please.
Thanks for the reply. It's a long story, but my ex is in breach of a court order. She has limited/reduced contact and I think this is just another one of her games to make me look bad to my kid.
I previously asked her to attend mediation but she says it will make no difference and just continues to play games (hence my reluctance to reply).
If I do reply I also want to explain that I am returning matters to court, as I'm fed up with the order being breached, constant mind games and getting nowhere.
even though she is being a pain, you should just send the emails as proof. if it goes back to court, then she can not claim she never received them. my ex gets a million junk emails a day. arranging contact by email is not ideal. better to whatsapp or text.
Thanks. She has received at least one of the emails, as she even replied (but ignored the part regarding the special occasion). It's in the court order that communication is via email, as she refuses to text.
You should really not play into these "I haven't received emails" gaslighting.
Go to the judge with enforcement, and show them copies of the emails. Don't entertain her nonsense.
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