When I write my blog, I try to be honest. Some subjects are raw and if this blog is going to be honest then it means at times that the process can be painful, they may upset others and are sometimes embarrassing. The next series of blogs are all of these, but in writing the blogs they are part of the process of managing and dealing with things.
Given that past actions influence the present and can set the direction of the future, we have to be aware that we have secrets and skeletons and that these will always come out. This can mean that you may think you have balance but the ripples of the past can become the tsunamis of today or tomorrow.
When my ex-wife and I were first thinking of getting serious I told her about my past and that ( at the time) I had a six year old son with whom I had little contact because of issues with his mother. She accepted it but said she didn’t want to be involved and decided not to share the information with her family. So we got married and had our own children, she choose to ignore the issue and not mention it to our family or friends. The only contact discussions we had were generally about filling in CSA forms, although I always knew that one day I would open the door to my son.
I have seen very little of his life for various reasons, but he has been in my life and my thoughts. I have followed his life, from a distance, through friends, the internet and other ways. It has been something I have felt strongly about but never really been able to share or talk about with.
When my wife and I separated it was something I felt I wanted to be able to talk about and address and I created a Facebook profile where he could find me it he wanted to.
In Oct 2012 I got a message which I sat looking at for a few days wondering how to handle it, and I replied and for four or five months we had small conversations on Facebook, in text and on the phone slowly probing and finding out about each other.
In the next few blogs I hope to share the past year. How I went about building a relationship with an estranged or new older child, the effect it has had on my relationship with other family members and how do you tell a 7 year old and an 11 year old that they have a brother, something that fundamentally changes the idea of family.
I will be honest and open and I appreciate that the way I may feel isn’t always rational but it is a complex issue that others will face or have faced so I now It is time for me to share.
Next time I will tell about our first meeting and the reaction of family
Marc
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