Did you think that tantrums and explosions would be left in toddlerhood? Sadly, they’re not. While older kids and teens are less likely to throw themselves to the floor because you didn’t buy them a lolly, they can still be just ask explosive. In a bid to quell those incredibly difficult moments, arm yourself with these de-escalation techniques!
What is de-escalation?
When a situation is frustrating your youngster and they’re on their way to losing it, de-escalation- strategies to calm the situation- is a helpful route to calming them down.
Children’s brains are different
When dealing with outbursts and tantrums it can be useful to understand that young people’s brains are still developing. The parts of their brains that manage reasoning and rational thinking are still not fully formed. Therefore, when faced with a situation they don’t like, or hearing the word ‘no’, they can start to lose control.
Naturally, that’s very difficult for us as parents, but that’s where the de-escalation techniques come in handy!
De-escalation is also helpful for helping your child. They may not realise it, but their feelings of being out of control can actually be unnerving or even frightening for them. Therefore, finding ways to return to a normal state is as important for them as it is for you.
The key steps to de-escalate a tantrum or outburst:
The earlier you can attempt to calm a situation, the better
It’s not always possible as things can escalate quickly, but if possible, aim to take action when you notice them spiralling.
Create a calm space
Make this in advance and your child can use it whenever they want to feel relaxed and safe. This might be a tent, a corner of their bedroom, an area in the garden, or wherever suits. Use pillows, blankets, cuddly toys and cushions to make it cosy. Wrapping a favourite blanket around their shoulders can be incredibly calming. They might want to listen to music that makes them feel happy, or look at their favourite objects and photos in a self-soothe box- check out this easy guide on how to put one together.
Ask for a time out
If things are getting heated, announce ‘time out’ and ask them to sit quietly for a few minutes to take deep breaths and calm down. When they’ve regulated their emotions, you can discuss the issue together calmly.
If they are upset and distressed, sit with them until they feel better
Even if you’re angry at them, put that to one side until they’ve returned to a calm state before addressing it.
Ask how they feel
Some children respond well to picking from emojis to show the emotions they’re experiencing, or drawing a picture. Teenagers might prefer to write out their feelings in a journal.
Try grounding techniques
‘Grounding’ is returning to your normal self, and when we are distressed it can be hard to get there. Grounding techniques include deep breathing- try this box breathing animation with them. You could also ask them to list things using their senses- 5 things they can see, 4 things they can feel, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell, and 1 thing they can taste.
Talk about feelings and emotions often
It’s helpful for your child or teen to acknowledge or understand their feelings and that they change often during the day. You may want to make a poster of different emojis or coloured emotions together and stick it up somewhere, so that they learn to recognise their emotions.
De-escalation strategies work!
Give the above tips a try and see what works best in your home. Above all, even when children act up, they still need our love and support (whether they recognise it or not!). Over time, using the above ideas should create a calmer home and less parenting issues.
