So your wife is pregnant, and divorce is on the cards already? Do you feel you can’t do anything right, she hates you and you think this is the end of the relationship?
Rest assured, this is surprisingly common. Just google the words “my wife is pregnant and she hates me” and you’ll find a whole world of temporary (roughly eight months, give or take) hurt. There are whole forums on the subject. Videos. Reddits!
The Huffington Post has put together a nine-point plan advising pregnant women how not to kill their husbands. Consider the first of their suggestions:
“Tell him openly that you need time and space to yourself….(so) you don’t have to listen to him humming or whistling or telling you something for the 15th time or generally making you want to rip out his heart and eat it for protein for the foetus.”
Hormones, constant tiredness, sore body and stress
As your partner’s body changes, the hormones involved in preparing her body for birth can drive her to levels of emotions you have never seen before. It is very common for pregnant mothers to be irritable.
Often pregnant women are bewildered by their own anger levels, feeling distant from their husband during pregnancy. Entire sections of the internet are given over to pregnant women saying “Why am I so ANGRY!!”.
So if you find yourself googling, “Why does my girlfriend hate me”, one thing you can do is to seek to be a calming influence on your partner. Research shows that babies in the womb are affected by a stressed mother. If a mother suffers extensive stress and anxiety during pregnancy her cortisol levels (cortisol is a hormone produced to deal with stress) will eventually begin to affect the unborn child, which can then display higher levels of anxiety after birth, even well into childhood.
If your partner is crying constantly or seems anxious she might need to talk to her doctor about it.
What to expect
The popular book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” has whole sections for dads which explains weach stage of pregnancy. It even covers what is making your wife angry – and lists things you can do to help at each stage! How useful is that?
The first three months are when the nausea can kick in – and it can be really bad. Add in mood swings caused by hormones and your beloved will be having a hard time of it. Things can ease up in the middle of the pregnancy but towards the last trimester the changes in her body can be really uncomfortable, often causing insomnia and – again – bad temper. Try not to take it personally and do what you can to help.
Give the situation time
Pregnancy and becoming a parent is a rollercoaster and a life-changing experience. Aim to provide comfort and support for your partner, and also take good care of yourself. Becoming parents can put immense stress on a couple, and the relationship struggles resulting from that stress don’t often last forever. Allow yourselves time to get used to your new normal and aim to support each other. Lean on the others in your lives, be it friends or family, to help out and offer support.
As you settle into the routine of family life, the true nature of your relationship should regain it’s balance. If things seem unpleasant between you, you could contact relationship councillors such as Relate who can help.
If you feel your partner’s behaviour is tipping into actual abuse (25 Signs you are emotionally abusing your partner) look for support from organisations such as Respect (helpline: 0808 802 4040).
Want to chat to other dads? Visit our friendly forum.
